Merry Christmas

copyright: istockphoto.com/lisagagne

Dear Family and Friends and Fellow Bloggers,

Merry Christmas to all of you.  My family and I went to church tonight and the children put on a beautiful pagent.  They were very cute, especially the little sheep and angels. I hope Santa is good to each and everyone of you tonight as he stops and fills your stocking.  I am sure there will be a lot of excitement tomorrow morning for those of you with little ones.   For those of you that are celebrating Christmas with new members of your family, congratulations!   I can't wait to read all about everybody's day  To those of you waiting like me, we'll keep saying our prayers.  Have a wonderful day with your family and friends.  Thank you for all your support so far with my journey.

God bless,

love

Elizabeth

Petition for Equal EI Benefits for Adoptive Parents

I had seen this petition on the Vietnam Yahoo group last week and meant to post a link to it.  I was catching up on my blog reading this morning and the blog 'Our Adoption Journey' under my Vietnam heading had a link to the petition.  I have posted it as a 'widget'.  Please pass this petition along to all your Canadian friends and family.  Encourage as many people as you can to sign it.  We waiting and prospective parents thank you very much.
N.B.  When I signed it, I only put my name and email.  The 'i-petition' then goes to a donation page which you do not have to contribute to.  At this point you can just close the page or move to a different web page.  The petition is good until January 15, 2012.  Thank you again for your support.

It will be a miracle if this adoption ever happens! I feel like giving up!

I got an email from my agency this morning saying I was being passed to another worker.   I can't seem to get an answer about a letter I need from the Ministry here and am contemplating a trip to Toronto just to get Form A (consulate and lawyer) signed as it could take forever here!  Some of the blogs I am following are quite difficult to read on days like today.  Please don't get me wrong, I am happy for all these people, but how did they get such young children?  To bring 7-12 month old babies home, wow!    Now it seems it is a three year old or older!   I had a very good converstation with the agnecy in Ontario for my new country last Thursday and  once they get my dossier believe things might move forward.  I loook forward to working with them.  To put together my dossier, I need a couple of questions answered at a local level here first.  

All the delays are so frustrating.  As another blogger said, she hates Friday as it is another week gone by with nothing happening.  We have had long weekends and now of course have the Christmas holidays to slow things down!!!!!

I did manage to find the Fisher Price Deluxe Nativity set yesterday in Zellers.  I was beginning to think Canada is too politically correct and that I should engage in south of the border shopping as many Vancouverites do.  I can see why they go now!   I was getting desperate as  US Toys R Us website had it but not the Canadian!  Wallmart up here didn't have it either!   Please Canada, let's not forget the true meaning of Christmas in our drive to be politically correct!!  Needless to say my enthusiasm and joy in finding it were dashed this morning by a couple of emails.

Things could be worse, way worse I know that.  I didn't put up any decorations this year and with today's news, any hopes of a little one for next year seem dashed!  God give me strength, patience and wisdom.  I need them all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The 12 Books of Christmas - a wonderful idea!

One of the blogs I am following is called, "My Greatest Adventure".  It had a really neat posting that I read today.  It is an idea I saw on another blog but had forgotten about.  It is called the "12 Books of Christmas"   For each of the 12 days leading up to Christmas your child receives a book.  For me, it would be a neat way to slow down and not get caught up in that pre-Christmas rush.  For children, I can imagine it would help them with that pre-Christmas excitement.  As a teacher, I would give books at Christmas anyway, so why not do it this way.  I need to keep a list of all these great ideas.  Maybe I need a new heading on my sidebar with a list of ideas.  I also love the "love letters" that Lisa writes on her blog, "Are we there yet, Len?".  For my country, I need to get something signed by the consulate in Ottawa or else go through some complicated process here with having to get a lawyer get a letter from the bar!  This morning I am thinking okay, wait Lord knows how long for a lawyer to get this letter, or fork out the money and go get it signed at the consulate.   Off to clean my apartment that looks like a bomb went off!   So glad my home study is finished and a social worker isn't coming!!!!!!!!
P.S.  On one of the blogs of the blogs I am following there was a list of great things to take to the orphanage and leave with your child.  One of the things was those magic wands with stars in them that you keep flipping over.  I wish I could remember the blog and everything else on the list.

School is over! Two weeks off! No alarm clock!

I didn't do any of my blog following yesterday as it was a crazy day.  The last day of school before Christmas and then our staff party!   I am up early this morning, couldn't go back to sleep, so decided to check the blogs for updates.  On the blog called 'Catherine's Chatter' I found this video.  I watched it and all I can think of is that if things go right for me and my local agency forwards my dossier quickly to the agency in Ontario, I may be rejoicing next Christmas.  It most likely won't be with a baby, but it would be lovey to have a little one (pre-schooler) to share in all the excitment.  If you check out this post on Catherine's blog, you'll see her daughter with a Fisher Price Nativity set.  I didn't know they existed and might try and buy one although I don't really want to jinx things!  In the meantime, I kind of live vicariously through the blogs I am following.  Catherine also has a link to Tot School on her blog and it has lots of cool ideas. I've got lots of great ideas for things to do with my little friend A.  This would also be a good website for some kindergarten teachers.  Oh, how I long to do this kind of activity with my own little one.  I've got more blogs to check but also need to get going with my day.  Too many things to do and errands to run!

Help! I am beyond frustrated this morning.

I have taken the morning off work (on time I am given as senior staff rep) to try and rewrite my Canada Adopts profile that I discussed with a professional almost two weeks ago.   I absolutely give-up!   Time is ticking and I am not even past the profile that appears on the registry page!!!!  How am I meant to "hook" a young woman considering adoption in 25-50 words?  If I get this first part done before I have to go into work I will be lucky.  Then I have the rest of it to do!!!!!  Maybe I should give-up and ask my agency if I can transfer the money I paid them for Canada Adopts to what I owe them for stage 2 international fees and then consider the money to Canada Adopts a lost cause!  It may beat banging my head against a brick wall.

My meeting on Tuesday

I met with my adoption worker at my local agency on Tuesday.  After what seemed like a L - O  - N - G wait we were able to talk about my new country.  It was a positive meeting.  She feels the country and Ontario agency are a good option for me.  I had several questions that she said I need to ask the director of the agency in Ontario.  I have to get on that.  They are probably easiest asked on the phone, but perhaps best asked in an email so I have a record of them.  I spoke to a family that adopted an older child (11 years) about the process and am waiting to hear back from a second family.  Although there don't seem to be any children under the age of 3 at the moment in the orphanages, I think maybe this country is the route to go.  I'd love a child around a year but it is very difficult to do, especially as a single.  I don't quite see getting my dossier off before Christmas and wonder if it isn't better to have it all ready to go for the first week of January, but then I think if I can get it together and off next week, I can celebrate the New Year, even if the dossier only made it as far as Ontario.   I was asked by my adoption worker if I had started the immigration process and I hadn't as I had been advised to wait.  Now  I have to try and figure that out process.  It is quite complicated and one you want to make sure you get right.   I believe the route is different depending on whether you bring the child home as a Canadian citizen or with a visa.  I had a lovely chat with a friend and former parent this morning.  Thank you for stopping by. 

Not much news!

The attachment workshop was interesting on Saturday afternoon.  The other families there were all at different points in their adoption process and adopting in different ways.  As has been my experience to date with AFABC, the facilitator was really good and the information useful.  This is such a super organization and resource for adoptive parents at least prospective, but I can't see that changing.    We had to share the world from our child's point of view, that is proposed or prospective child. It was hard for me at the other families all knew their child but I know a little about the process in the country I will be adopting from so did my best.

I found this blog, Cathernine's Chatter on somebody else's blog.  I have put a link to it under my 'China Blogs'.  Thank you Catherine for your words of encouragement in this process.  Unfortunately China is no longer an option as they are only allowing single parents to adopt special needs children.  If only I had started this journey 4-5 years ago!  Catherine brought her little girl home at 7 months and she is now almost three.  Something that has come up on several blogs is this 'Elf on a Shelf'.  I guess I'm not terribly with it.   I haven't had a good look at it but it seems to be all the rage!  Maybe I should get one for my classroom.  Santa might like to hear what goes on at school!  The hidden bullying that kids do is so frustrating.  It is impossible to see and hear everything that goes down.

I meet with my adoption worker tomorrow to try and find out more information on my country.  Here's hoping it is a valuable meeting.  She has told me there are no children under the age of three and a half in the orphanges or children's homes.  I guess three and a half is better than five almost six!  But oh for a little one, to snuggle and rock.  When M or C snuggle in and cozy up it is just the best feeling!  I will post tomorrow if I get anything valubable.  I did email two families who have recently completed an adoption from the country I am considering but am waiting to hear back from them.

New blog added under Honduran blogs

I just found my second comment.  Thanks, Megan.  Please see Megan's blog called Honduran Dreams under my Honduran Blogs heading.   I posted earlier tonight and then added this.

Tonight I was advised to have a Plan B or Plan C!

I promised myself this blog wouldn't be a scapegoat for my negative emotions and feelings.  I have tried hard to keep it informative of the process but am falling off the wagon tonight!   Bring on the chocolate!!!!  For anybody that knows the starfish story, I can make several connections.  Tonight I am the starfish!  I need to be picked up and thrown back into the ocean!



copyright: istockphoto.com/dem10

It is back to the drawing board with my letter for Canada Adopts.  Tonight's feedback seemed worse than that of those high school English teachers!!!   Being single and older and having less chance of appealing to a young, pregnant women is far harder to hear than seeing a C or C- on a paper, although at the time those grades were pretty devestating.  It's all relative I guess!  I appreciate the honesty and feedback to improve my letter but when one is already down, it's very hard to listen to.  Too boot, I need some new photos.  Photos of me with young kids.  The worst photo of me was the one that was liked best.  Go figure!  It was suggested I use photos of me from some time ago - read between the lines on this one!   What good is this when you go meet the young woman.   Anybody got kids they can offer me for a photo shoot on the next sunny day we get here in Vancouver?  A comment was made about my age that I'm not even going to repeat!  I have a couple of photos from school thanks to two parents but the ones I can use, that is where I look any good, are with children whose parents already have media concerns.  I can't seem to win!

Back to the emotions, if you read many blogs from waiting or prospective parents, emotions run high and are up and down.   I have no choice but to hold it together as really what good does it do to get upset?  I've been in tears tonight but not actually cried.  I figure what happened tonight is just par for the course.  We got sad news at school on Tuesday so that has just added to things.   Oh my goodness, I hope this Lupron (needed it for the surgery that got cancelled) wears off soon.  It really does a number on you.  Anybody that has been on it will attest to that.    I wish I had greater faith in this whole adoption process.

copyright: istockphoto.com/meltonmedia

One of the teachers at the first school I taught at had me for dinner one night.  She had been on medical leave the year before after getting very sick.  She had a poem on her apartment wall that really spoke to me.  It was called Footprints. At that time I had lost my faith but didn't think much more about it.  About five years later when I was going through a rough spot, it came back to me and really helped me.  I bought the book and have shared the poem with several people.  Perhaps I am at a point where I need to start believing in it again.  Oh, for a sign,something, anything as to which direction to go.

I do have other plans and am not putting all my eggs in one basket.  This isn't Plan A and yes there is a Plan B, not sure about a Plan C, but possibly.  Trying to ignore what I have been told by different agencies, I figured Canada Adopts would give me some natinal coverage!  For about $170 a month, including my local agency fees, I figured it was worth a try.  There is an additional charge each time there is an inquiry from outside of the province, so we'll see if it gets pricier!  I meet with my worker at my local agency on Tuesday to talk about the country she sent me information on.  I also need to email two families who have adopted from this country to find out about their experiences. 

Thank you for reading this tonight. I promise I will try to be more upbeat next time.  Have a good weekend.

P.S.  Thanks DT for the LD gift card.  I put it towards a video camera that I ran and bought tonight after I got off the phone.  Hopefully I can put it to use sooner rather than later.  I am now engaging in full on retail therapy!!!!!  Please let me know how you stop a VISA from going into meltdown!!!!!!

Half-way with Canada Adopts and some info on my country

copyright: istockphoto.com/cosmonaut

I have finally written my "Dear Birth Mother" letter for Canada Adopts and have paid to have some advice from their professional writer.  I hope it isn't all back to the drawing board!!!!  I have never liked writing because of  experiences in high school English classes, except for one teacher who was kind with his feedback.  He really liked a piece of writing I did about my grandfather and urged me to keep.  It is funny how things like this come back to at the strangest times.  I have the piece somewhere, maybe at my parents, and now want to find it.  This'll be like looking for a needle in a haystack.  Guess what I will be doing when I am home for Christmas!  I spent a long time tonight trying to upload the photos.  I am looking forward to getting my profile up and then I can add another puzzle piece to the home study piece. 

I did receive some information on my country on Friday but want to talk to my adoption worker this week.  I think she is very busy as she has her clients plus those she took on when my worker went on medical leave.  I am hoping to talk to a family in Ontario that recently adopted from this country. 

It's too late to do my physio exercises!   I'll do double tomorrow, I promise.

The "4" email

 copyright: istockphoto.com/Likhitha

In a previous post I mentioned I was sent this email several years ago.  The email had seven questions that each had four answers.  Many of them work for me, a couple don't, including the first one: "Four Jobs I have had". I haven't had four jobs outside of education.  All my work through university was child related; day camps, nannying, babysitting, tutoring etc.  Now this doesn't make for very interesting reading at all!    So I have taken this old email from February 2007, yes call me a pack rat, and made some changes so it works for me.  The email ended with the directions to delete the sender's answers, put in your own and then send it to a whole bunch of people you know including the person who sent it to you.  The theory is that you will learn a lot of little facts about those people you know.

So for something different and off the topic of adoption, as I am still waiting to hear something, anything from my local agency about my country, here goes! 

Things you may not have known about me:

4 Places I have lived:
Wantage, England
Ferney Voltaire, France
Geneva, Switzerland,
Quesnel, B.C., Canada

4 books I've read recently:
Mamalita by Jessica O'Dwyer
Secret Daughter by Shilpi Somoya Gowda
War Horse by Michael Morpurgo
The Flying Carpet of Small Miracles by Hala Jaaber
* presently reading: A Princess Found by Sarah Culberson and Tracy Trivas

4 Authors I enjoy: (I've added this one)
Nicholas Sparks
Cathy Glass
Torey Hayden
* children's author: Jean Little

4 movies I enjoyed watching and would watch again:
Father of the Bride
Pretty Woman & Erin Brokovitch
The Blind Side
Titanic

4 of my favourite foods:
lasagna
chocolate raspberry pavalova (Nigella Lawson)
homemade smoothies (I love my new Magic Bullet)
English Christmas cake - Katie Stewart, Times Cookery Book

4 Places I would like to travel: (I've added this one)
Hawaii
Australia & New Zealand
Alaska
African safari

4 places I would rather be now:
-  a beautiful beach with soft sand and a warm ocean with gentle waves
- walking in the snow with friends, or playing with kids in the snow
- curled up in front of the fire with a good book and a big mug of tea
- England

4 Childhood memories: - I added this one but it is hard to narrow down
- my ninth birthday, my mom organized a surprise party after being telling me "No" to having a party
- the birth of my sister
- day trips to London with my dad (Hamley's, the Science Museum, Madame Tussauds, London Zoo, HMS Belfast)
- getting a homemade doll's house from my English nanny and grandad

I am going to sign off as I want to make some oatmeal, white chocolate-chip, cranraisin cookies.   I certainly don't need them, but oh well!

Going for the gold!

It has been really nice to have a four day weekend.  Thanks to a former boss, my school district had an extra day off like we did at Thanksgiving.  Despite putting my back out sorting groceries in the trunk of my sister's car,  I have finally reclaimed my bathroom. YES!  Everything, towels, toothbrush, bath mats etc has gone back in.  Around Thanksgiving there was a major leak and it has taken a month to get it fixed, plastered, and semi-painted.  The advantage of renting a place, I haven't had to pay a dime.  The disadvantage of renting, I am dependent on somebody else to get around to fixing it.

I am going for gold!  I looked at the packages again on the Canada Adopts website and decided since I am single I need to work a little harder to sell myself and so more pictures might work.  The Gold option also allows me to rewrite my letter once and replace up to five photos.  I have gone through a lot of photos and had an extremely kind former parent, now friend, send me some.  My cousin's wife is also looking for some.  Thank you guys!   I have chosen the two photos for the profile pages and have eight for my 'Photo Album'.    I have tried to pick pictures of me in a variety of settings; alone, with immediate family, with extended family, outside, at work, on holiday, and have two with children.  There is one with my cousin's daughter on Willow's Beach and one with a friend's son in London.  Thanks CS for letting me post the beach photo.  When my profile is up, I will make a link from here.  The matches I have heard about seem quite random, so because I don't know what the connection with a birth mum will be I have to make sure I include as much as I can in my letter.

I have my first comment!

Thank you Shauna!  You are the first person to comment on my blog and I was so excited to see it tonight.  I have made a little bit of progress today in that I paid my agency for their services to be on Canada Adopts.  I now have to decide which level package (bronze, silver, gold) I would like to purchase.  I have decided not to pay the extra for a video and will most likely go with the silver package.      

 

copyright: istockphoto.com/Andresr

Now I can work on my profile and 'Dear Birth Mum' letter.   I will let you all know when I am up on the website.  Fingers crossed that a birth mum decides I am a worth investigating, and then maybe a match.  Who knows, for one family the match happened overnight!   Some of the connections I've heard about are ones that I wouldn't have thought of, so it is a bit of a challenge to try and describe myself  in 1,000 - 1,5000 words. 



 My adoption worker says she is still waiting for information from the first agency about information on my new country. It has been almost a month and I've got this feeling it is going to be at least another month before things move forward on the international front!  I am trying to stay positive but so want to make some progress.  While we wait, I have asked her to look into the discrepancy between the ages of the child I am eligible to adopt and the length of stay required for the second trip.  3-4 weeks is fine, but 3 months is a long time to be away from home!

This blog seems to have a mind of its own tonight as it has been a challenge to put the photos in!  Here are two more.  The first photo is a clue to my country.  The second photo fitting with my puzzle theme!

copyright: istockphoto.com/lilly3



copyright: istockphoto.com/scibak



On one of the blogs I am following the writer decided to pass some time waiting by following yet another bloggers's posting challenge.  (Click here for details)  I'm not sure I have the time to do this like Lisa did, but did find the print out of a former colleague's email entitled '4 things about me!".  It was one of those chain emails but a totally harmless one and one I thought I could share in a future post.

What a week!

copyright: istockphoto.com/RuthBlack

A big thank you to the many people who have offered me support this week.  A friend of a friend for her connections in getting me a second opinion, the niece of my neighbour's boss who shared the story of her amazing adoption through fostering, my friend D for sharing her family with me again on Wednesday night - I can't wait for December 1 - Happy Birthday M&C, the author of 'On My Way Again' for sharing her story and offering advice, and my good friend and neighbour for sitting with me this morning and supporting me.  But this isn't all!  Thank you to some very special colleagues, you know who you are, for your support, TLC, encouragement and understanding this week, and as always my friends who I talk to you on the phone and who are following this blog.  I keep saying that when this is all over in whatever shape or form success winds up taking, there is going to be one big party and you are all invited.  Now I would like to be able to say the two words above to my local agency!   Last week I asked for a meeting for this week but I have had no contact with them.  It is getting pretty frustrating!  The process right now feels very much like this!

copyright: istockphoto.com/DNY59

 Oh, how I would like some direction.  I sent an email to my agency today requesting that I would like to move forward with the domestic part of my journey by registering on Canada Adopts  I am rounding up photos to try and post for my profile but still have to sit down and write my 'Dear Birth Mother' letter.  The birth mum I heard speak in September had a lovely saying for what adoption is.  The picture below kind of explains it.

copyright: istockphoto.com/kycstudio

To sign off tonight, I 'll share one more picture from  istockphoto.com   I think it is quite relevant to the adoption process.

copyright: istockphoto.com/esolla

Check out the blog under Honduras called 'On My Way Again' and entry called "Home"

Congratulations to a fellow blogger, relative neighbour so to speak (the island isn't that far from the lower mainland), and a successful adoptive parent, twice.  What a quest you have been on to bring your son home from Honduras!  I have been waiting for this post and thinking of you all weekend.  So glad to hear you made it home safe and sound.  Go look at this post.  I am sure it will put a smile on your face.  It did mine!

copyright: istockphoto.com/spanteldotru




copyright: istockphotoe.com/JulNichols


** If you are reading this at a later date, you need to look for an Oct. 31, 2011 on the 'On My Way Again' blog.  

copyright: istockphoto.com/NWphotoguy



Hope your Halloween was happy, safe and candy filled. 

Happy Anniversary Mum and Dad!



I don't know what to write except to say I might rename this blog. How about "My Adoption-less Journey"?

How was Victoria? 
Well, in a nut shell it was good I went, despite the expense, because if I didn't I would be wondering if I missed an opportunity.

Read on if you want the long version
Thursday afternoon I checked my email with a sixth sense that something wasn't right.  Low and behold it wasn't.  I had an email from the woman organizing Friday's matching event telling me I need 15 copies of a one page profile about myself with photos!   YIKES!!!  I hit the panic button.  I now had to try and put this together and catch the ferry.  I had asked on Oct. 21 if I needed to bring anything and had heard nothing.  I flew home, well not literally, but high tailed it out of school and up the road to home.  Thank goodness for being five minutes from work.  With future Aunty P's help, we managed to find two semi-decent photos of me, one in my classroom and one in London, which we took up to London Drugs.  I love their one hour photo processing!  Then I came home and tried to condense my 11 page home study into two pages with room for the photos.  Around 7:30 I finally left my place for the ferry.   Made the 9:00 ferry and put my profile pages together in the cafeteria.   Got to Mum and Dad's around 11:30!  The flannelette sheets were heavenly and I slept really well.  I can't use them in the apartment here as the place is too hot even with the heat off!

The Matching Event was at a golf course and driving range out of town close to Victoria General.  I was there alone which felt a bit awkward as all the other prospective parents had their social workers with them.  When it was my turn, close to the end of the day, I managed to introduce myself and got a few laughs with different things I said.  One time people laughed was when I was mentioning that maintaining openness with birth family members wasn't a problem due to my parents being in Victoria, I referred to BC Ferries as a 'mini-cruise'.  I joke with my students that the ferry is the closest thing to a cruise I will ever take! 


copyright: istockphoto.com/benedek


The day proceeded with one or two waiting children being profiled followed by a few prospective parents introducing themselves.   Many people seemed to have acres of land for children to play on and an endless variety of pets!   For the record:  I LIVE IN ONE OF, IF NOT THE MOST EXPENSIVE CITY IN CANADA AND I DO NOT OWN MY OWN HOME WITH A WHITE PICKET FENCE.   There are lots of families in Vancouver raising children in apartments due to the high cost of living and it just requires more effort on our part as parents to take them out to parks and playgrounds, something I am more than willing to do.   I DO NOT HAVE ANY PETS. I live in a building which is pet free but once I adopt my child and can move without having to pay to have my home study updated I can always get a cat.   Or maybe my child will be OK with a hamster or gerbil.  I'm sure Hayley, my sister's cat, would love the gerbil!  


copyright: istockphoto.com/GlobalP





copyright: istockphoto.com/ScantyNebula

 

I AM NOT MISS ATHLETIC.  I swim, walk and ride my bike but due to poor hand-eye coordination have never been any good at a lot of ball sports.  I will however be a fantastic cheerleader for my child's athletic endeavours.  Are all birth parents natural athletes?  



copyright: istockphoto.com/shironosov



 I WRITE THIS ONE WITH SOME CAUTION, BUT LIKE MANY OF THE PARENTS THERE I AM NOT OF FIRST NATIONS ANCESTRY.  I totally understand and appreciate keeping children connected to their culture and heritage but when does a 'forever family' come into the picture. NEITHER AM I MARRIED OR IN ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP.  I almost see this as an advantage as my child will never have to suffer through the pain of a separation or divorce.  My child will also receive my undivided attention, not that he or she will be spoiled or doted upon, but they won't have to compete for my time.  AFTER MY 35 WEEKS OF E.I.  I WILL HAVE TO RETURN TO WORK FULL TIME.  I don't have the benefit of a job that allows me to work from home or the good fortune of being supported so I can be a stay-at-home mum.   What I do have are the same holidays as my child and a school that at present has before and after school across the road.  I also have the ability to take my child to work with me, so to speak.

 Now I have to ask does a heart's yearning and desire, unconditional and bottomless love, and totally eager, supportive and excited family and friends factor into the adoption equation?  Is what I can do for and with my child given my background a benefit?  Is who I am as a person important?  Our world is already so materialistic, does it have to spill over into the adoption process.  If I were a birth mum giving up my baby, yes I'd want to know my child could be provided for, but what would be most important to me is to know they would be loved to the end of the earth and back!  That they would be cherished and adored, loved for who they were, and be the centre of a person's and her extended family's life.

I may have committed 'adoption' suicide with this post but it hurts to see and feel the discrimination in all aspects of adoption: internationally - my marital status as a single greatly decreases the number of countries available to me.  Domestically - I don' have the house, cottage on a lake, stay-at-home mum ability, and now with the Ministry, not being of First Nations ancestry.
I did manage to find out late Friday afternoon that the agency in Ontario for my new country is a bit slow.  That might explain why my new worker here is having trouble getting information.  Monday will be two weeks with no information from the agency in Ontario.  Do they want to work with me or not?  On a positive note I did find out that there is another agency in Ontario that also facilitates adoptions from the country I am hoping to go with and have named in my home study.  I tried to phone this new agency in Ontario this morning as they were open.  The manager was busy and I will have to phone back during the week and ask them some questions.   

With what I have shared today, why not share it all!!!!!  I am beginning to feel quite sick.  My surgery in November is looming fast and I haven't made any progress.  A fellow blogger had blogged a year ago February about her 'adoption-less' journey so I guess the feelings I am having and the frustration I am experiencing are common among prospective parents.  It is very hard not to become bitter and jaded in the process.  I so did not want to be in this stalled, spinning my wheels position with my surgery.  I wanted to be registered with a country so I could enter the OR at peace with my decision.

Thank you to all my friends and family for your support.  You are putting up with a lot right now and I can't thank you enough.  One day I hope we can celebrate! 

Signing out for bed and fingers crossed, a full  night's sleep.

I finally got my home study in my hot little hands!

I finally got approval and complete signing off on my home study.  The home study was actually started on June 14th.  I had six sessions with my social worker here at the apartment and then one at school on September 16 at which time we both signed.  My ticker has been counting from Sept. 16.  I have been approved to adopt a child either internationally or domestically.   I have a quote for the fees for the next step in both directions.  YIKES!  Before paying the rather large international fee, I want to know that things are going to move ahead with my new country.  If they aren't, then I don't know what I'll do.  I think today's photo is rather appropriate.  Let's say it's me holding the first piece of the puzzle in this journey.


copyright: istockphoto.com/CGinspiration

 I am off to Victoria after work on Thursday to attend a meeting on Friday about local adoptions in B.C.  I have been given personal leave to attend this event and it would be great if something happened.  The time, energy, blood, sweat, tears and I hate to say it but money, a local adoption would save would be amazing.  I'll post more when I get back.

Beyond Frustrated!

My wish today is that the helpful lady that works at the school board office and is in charge of teacher leaves worked at my local agency.  The day of personal leave I requested for Friday was granted in less than 16 hours!  No point even putting a ticker on that one as it wouldn't even clock a day!  No news from my new Adoption Worker on cost or process with the new country.  As I wait for a response, I shudder at the thought of the number of prospective parents getting in line ahead of me.  In trying to keep things positive, I have to say I love the photos on istockphoto.com.  Check them out.  They have photos for everything.  All the photos I am using are the smallest size possible (2 credits) and they seem to work fine on my blog.


copyright: istockphoto.com/hohojirozame




Is it worth continuing to read this book?



 

 http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Your-Internationally-Adopted-Child/dp/1558323260








 
Perhaps I should be reading this one!



http://www.amazon.com/Never-Be-Mother-Couldnt-Children/dp/0788169459/ref=sr_1_1_title_0_main?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1319516046&sr=1-1



The Adoption Journey in a snapshot to date:

 Please be advised this journey is not for the faint of heart or weak of knees!  You need perservance, faith and hope not to mention the support, encouragement and love of family and friends.  Perhaps most importantly as the Brits would say you also need a  stiff upper lip. 



copyright: istockphoto.com/CGinspiration

 

I think I'll let the pictures do the talking for this week!

One of the blogs I have a link to, forgive me because I forget which one, has 'Wordless Wednesday' posts.  I thought this was a really cute idea and as I don't have my child yet to post pictues of  I decided would find a website that has what are called stock photos.  I have registered and signed up with istockphotos.   You purchase credits and then download photos to use on blogs, websites, flyers etc. 

Here goes!


copyright: istockphoto.com/skvoor



copyright: istockphoto.com/Kronick



copyright: istockphoto.com/burcintuncer

 For those of you encouraging me to get back to my waliking I only went out twice this week, Monday and Tuesday.  Wednesday I was at a friend's, Thursday I had company, Friday I was too tired!


copyright: istockphoto.com./DonNichols

 

Anticipating Great Things This Week

I've got to keep my chin up and ditch the chocolate!!!!!   Thank you so much A.M. for you hugs and kind words  in Safeway tonight. You don't know how much they and your support means to me.  I so hope you will be an honorary aunty one day.  I  got in another walk tonight and got home just as it was getting dark.  Last Wednesday, after encouragemnt from three people, I am trying to get back to my walking.  It is not the amount I was doing this time last year, but it is important I start to do something given November.  I've managed Wed. Thurs., Sun, Mon. not too bad!  Does Costco count on Saturday ?

I was at union training workshop all day today.  I then went to my local agency hoping to pick up my homestudy and move forward.  My adoption worker (AW) had made contact with the facilitator in Ontario briefly today and my agency will be able to work with the faciliator.  This is good news as it saves me having to make a change in provincial or local agencies.  Now I am very eager to get registered and with the program.  My homestudy still wasn't quite ready - later this week I hope.  Unfortunately my AW has gone on medical leave.  I think we were both hopeful this new country would be a positive route so hopefully there is lots of progress prior to her return.  My case has been transferred to another AW at the agency who exercised caution over haste.  I am hoping to start collecting the necessary documents for the dossier and then getting them notarized while my new AW at the agency and facilitator work out their particulars as they are new to each other.  I feel very good about this country and am more than ready to move forward.  I am not sure if this country asks for donations to their orphanges but if they do, I will need to find a Roy as in the blog called My Greatest Adventure.

I don't know if there is a saint for adoptive parents, children  and families but I think there should be!  From the blogs I am following there are a couple of families in Honduras right now that could do with your prayers, thoughts and best wishes. 

Have a great week. Hopefully things will continue to move forward.

Oh the ride!

I woke up very early this morning hoping for a good news phone call from my agency.  Unfortunately the facilitator at the agency in Ontario is away until Monday so there was no news.   I was so disappointed my adoption worker here was unable to make the contact and that I will spend yet another weekend stalled.  I am meeting my adoption worker on Monday to get a copy of my homestudy and have decided that I will then decide what to do.  I so badly want to be registered with the country, my dossier submitted and on their wait list that if I have to change local agencies that is what I will do.  I went to a beautiful retirement party for a colleague at my former school tonight and wow had the staff done a fabulous job!  It was lovely to see people I hadn't seen in a long time.   This colleague has done so much in his time as an educator, coach and really good person and I am sure has touched many lives during his career. 

A Positive Meeting

I met with my social worker at the local agency after school today and talked about the possible new country.  She is going to see if the agency can work with the facilitator in Ontario.  If so, I think I am ready to take a leap of faith but I am not getting too excited until I see the dossier requirements and other information in black and white.  My social worker is also going to ask about what is involved in the medical (see my worry in an early post) and if there are any references, or families that have completed the adoption process with this country.   I have to say that I am very excited about this option as the age of child will likely be between 1 - 3 years of age.  If  my agency here for some reason can't work with the Ontario facilitator then I will switch provincial agencies.  My social worker will contact me tomorrow and if all goes well I could be moving down a double path on Monday, the international path and Canada Adopts.  If not, then I will be registering with the new agency and then moving forwards.  Yikes!  I could be spending time this weekend composing my 'Dear Birth Mother' letter.   I will post tomorrow with news either way.  Although this is very positive and exciting, it is the next step in the process and then the waiting begins.  A couple in one of the Yahoo groups I have joined said when your dossier has been accepted and you are waiting, it is very important to get on with life.  This is very good advice as it is easy to let this journey consume one's life, conversations, thoughts etc., but may be a bit of a challenge to follow.   I will give it my best and have started walking again.  I walked for 40 minutes the last two nights, nothing compared to what I was doing, but a start.    I think I also have a  little friend out there praying for me.  His mum told me he takes his prayers very seriously and since I caught up with her a few weeks back there seems to have been some movement.

Happy Thanksgiving

A belated Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends, the special people in my life that I have shared this journey with and anybody that is visiting, following and reading my blog.  (No, I haven't forgotten my family.  I was with them for the weekend!)  I have a lot to be thankful for: loving family and friends, supportive colleagues, good health to name a few things, and hopefully one day somebody little I can add to the list.  Having an extra day off on Friday, thanks to a modified school year by my school district, allowed me to make a few phone calls.  I left a second message at one agency re: their country.  Still no response!  The newly opened country I have blogged about, I received information from on Friday morning.  I also had a very good conversation with the director of my local agency and it is no problem to change a few sentences in the home study to reflect the change in country.  After all, the home study should mention the new country I am hoping to adopt from!  I have an appointment after school on Thursday with my local agency so please keep your fingers crossed, say a prayer, or whatever it is you do when you want things to work out, to let me stop the ticker on Thursday!   I may not need to change local agencies to go with this new country but if I have to, it is not a big deal at this point.  The director here was very friendly and most helpful.  After talking to her, I may not register on the agency's domestic list as I can register for Canada Adopts directly but still use the agency for representation.  If I understand things correctly I would then pay per each inquiry by a birth mum. I think I need to take a leap of faith and on Thursday tell my agency to send my home study to the agency in Ontario that works with my new country.  Oh, it will be so much easier when I can name the country.  I hate talking in "code" but just don't want to jeopardize anything at the moment.   As for the Novemeber event, I have very mixed feelings, especially after a very expensive ($375) visit to the pharmacy!!!!  I have shed some tears this weekend and have until 4:00 tomorrow, Tuesday to decide what to do. 

Thank you to those of you who have talked to me or asked me questions about this blog. I appreciate knowing this isn't all lost in cyberspace!   As a friend and colleague said last week the blog will certainly be a record of the process although it is about eight months late in starting!  The first week back at school after Christmas was when I actually started investigating and looking into things.  There are quite a few things I have already done.  For example;  I made and gave a Powerpoint presentation from a letter on the AFABC website to the BCTF provincial Status of Women committe in May re: "top up" for adoptive parents.  Top-up varies from district to district at the moment, mine gives it as long as it the adoption doesn't take place in July or August, but quite a number of school districts don't.  I think this should be in our provincial collective agreement so all teachers in BC have equal benefits thus I can only hope the electronic copy the wonderful women on this committee took is being put to good use.  There is also a difference in EI benefits between women that give birth and women that adopt.  This issue is one that I can't and will not tackle but other adoptive parents have tried.  I guess you could call it a "David and Goliath" battle!  I have also learned from my research that Quebec has a generous tax credit to help adoptive parents defray the cost of adoption versus the federal credit.  More on this later.  If our provincal government here in BC truly wants to put families first perhpaps they could implent a similar tax credit to Quebec.  This is a letter for me to write once my dossier is sent to my country and I am waiting.   I don't mean to bore you with all this other stuff but it is all a part of the process I am going through and it has proven to be quite eye-opening.  I have always advocated and when necesary fought for support for my students, and will certainly continue to do, but now it is time to advocate for myself, something that seems much harder to do!  Unless you have been through the process, or have family members or friends that have adopted, the challenges and discrimination faced by prospective parents is duanting!  Not a battle for the faint of heart and weak of knees.   Onward and upward - let's hope there is real progress this week!

The clipart today is from: http://www.free-graphics.com/clipart/Holidays/Thanksgiving/thanksgiving1.shtml



Tick, tock, tick, tock!

http://www.clipartheaven.com/

I am fighting a cold and so am struggling to write this tonight and keep the tone positive.  Forgive me.  Still no news from the agency in Ontario on the possible new country I blogged about Friday.  For those of you that know me well, you know I have been doing tons of my own research.  The HIV rate is high in this country and so now I have some else to think (a.k.a. - worry) about.  I need information from this agency before I do anything.  I am looking into a local event with the Ministry but have to wait until next week for details.  I have an appointment after school next Thursday with my local agency and at that time will attempt to register for the domestic list and Canada Adopts.  Until then my homestudy continues to remain offically unfinished.  Frustrating beyond belief as it is now over a month but I can't do anymore.  Today, I am really leaning towards postponing Nov. 15 as I feel I need to keep options open.  Thank goodness for the long weekend.  I am heading to my parents and am in need of some TLC.  To anybody outside of Canada reading this, I know I've had a few hits which is very exciting, this Monday, October 10,  is Canadian Thanksgiving.

Oh dear! What to do?

I have to begin by saying I went to a former principal's retirement party tonight (Monday, even though this post is dated as Tuesday).  It was lovely to have a quick visit with him and to see so many turn out to thank him for his efforts and accomplishments as a teacher, principal and senior manager.  This man has done so much for so many people, I don't think he fully realizes his impact.  The local school board will miss his insight, widsom, knowledge and as the person speaking said, his "moral compass".  Enjoy retirement P!  You have left very big shoes to fill.

Sunday afternoon I went to the AEP (adoption education program) my agency was holding as they had invited a birth mother.  In the session I attended in July they hadn't been able to arrange for a birth mother to come so had invited us back.  The young woman that showed up was absolutely amazing!  She has an incredidbly open relationship with the adoptive parents and it was quite the story.  The story although very happy is a little challenging for those of us waiting as the adoptive parents were chosen before they had even put themselves on the domestic registry!  The birth mother was looking for very specific racial requirements, as well as what I can guess are pretty "typical" requests: a house, a  big yard, a dog and a big family.   This young lady wanted more for her baby than she could offer and called adoption, the "loving option".  What maturity and wisdom for somebody so young!  She graduates this year and is going on to post-secondary education.  I wish her the very best.  She also spends time talking to teens in high schools to educate them of their options.  Oh how I wish one of these teens would see me for what I have to offer, not what I don't.  Obviously being single in Vancouver, one of the world's most expensive cities, is a disadvantage.  I don't own my own place but instead rent a very spacious apartment in a very safe and friendly part of the city.  I don't have a spouse or partner but instead have the ability to give all my love and attention to a child.  Not to mention family and friends who will cherish my child.  My child will never have to suffer more loss in the form of seperation or divorce.  I have a small but very close, loving and supportive immediate family and a large extended family in California.  How do I market my attributes against those of couples?  My greatest wish is that birth mums see me for what I have and can offer.

No news on the country front.  I was hoping for an email and some info today but it didn't happen.  I can't get to my agency until next week so I can't sign off the homestudy until then.  It's hard not to take it personally but all those people at yesterdays AEP must be asking for meetings too.  Also, I'm still a little perplexed because I feel that if I hadn't have sent my email last week, my home study might still be stuck in the woodwork so to speak.   I am beginning to feel quite frustrated and discouraged.   I may be postponing Nov. 15!   I can't do it unless I have made progress in this journey.

Patience is a Virtue!

I remember my English nanny, my dad's mum, trying to teach me to knit many years ago as a young child and trying to help me with my frustration about dropped stitches etc.  No, unfortunately I never did learn to knit despite all her patience and encouragement! 

Oh my!  First off, in keeping with my mission keep this blog positive, thank you T for the lovely present you gave me when I came into school yesterday.  As teachers of primary school children we are often blessed with art work, love notes and other expressions of chidren's positive emotions and feelings..  It was explained to me by T that there was mail in the mailbox of the house.  The note said, "You are the best teacher ever!", and a seat at the back of the car so I could drive it.  Thought you might enjoy seeing this wonderful work.  Thank you T, you lifted my spirits.

Thank you also to NF for dropping by after school and spending a long time talking to me about the trials and tribulations I am going through and now my doubts about an event in November.  I only taught one of N's children, but cherish the two years I had with her son.  He is a wonderful boy with a giant heart.  Thank you N for everything! 

Ah-yah!  Is that how to spell it in English!?   Neither of the two countries I am thinking of look exactly promising at the moment.  I have connected with a single waiting mum in Ontario through a Yahoo group and it is the same thing there!  As singles, we seem to be swimming upstream far more so than couples.    I am constantly on the hunt for new countries and may have found one but this may mean a change in agency and more money!  I phoned the faciliator yesterday and she is emailing me info on Monday.  One of the requirements for this country is a medical there instead of here.  Why oh why does my mind race!  In the shower after I got off the phone with her I started thinking, "What if the needles aren't clean?  What if they don't sterilize equipment properly?"  I wish I could turn off the 'worry' part of my brain.  If anybody has any strategies for NOT putting the cart before the horse, please share them with me.  I couldn't get to school fast enough to ask a new colleague about her experiences in South America.  Thanks, TG!  I will ask what is involved in their medical, if it is done in a private facility and if I can take my own needle.

When I got home last night there was mail from my agency.  Excited, I thought I could stop the ticker.  No such luck!   My social worker and I had signed Sept. 16, the agency director on Sept. 19.  I had emailed this week to find out where the homestudy is and then I receive this mail.  I can't move forward without it at this point.  I need to initial four boxes but am confused as the note says to do all four for inter-country but I want to use one copy for domestic use.  You may ask, what is causing this pressure to move forward?  Well, first I finished the home study a month ago and secondly during the adoption education program (AEP) in July the birth mothers weren't able to attend.  Consequently, we were told we would be invited to the next AEP and so earlier this week I received an invite to a session tomorrow, Sunday, where the birth mothers will speak to the next group of prospective parents.  YIKES!   I can't help but feel the people in this AEP, I know they may be wonderful,  are biting at my heels.  Looking at the positive, I get to hear birth mums speak which may help me to write my, "Dear Birth Mother," letter.  From everything I've read when you are on waiting lists, your position on the list is everything.  I want to be on a country's list prior to the event I have booked in November.  I need a country decision made so I can be at peace with the decision I have made.  Right now, I have my doubts about November. 

Still Waiting . . .

I am beginning to lose patience!  I would like my home study completely signed, sealed and settled so I can try to move forward.  With what, where and how I am not sure.  I need some doors to open!!!  My social worker said I should have heard or be hearing from my agency about my homestudy so I've sent them an email.  I'd love to be able to stop the ticker  Hope I can figure out how.  One country I am considering adopting from I have discovered since joining a yahoo group has a three to four year wait.  Yikes!!!!  I don't know how I hang on that long!  The other country which I was seriously considering adopting from doesn't seem to be letting new people into their Yahoo group.  I have emailed AFABC as they are so incredibly helpful.  If you live in BC and are in the process of adopting or have adopted, it is well worth your money to have a membership.  I have a link to their website on the right had side of my blog.

I had a wonderful evening yesterday and today.  I have spent the last two nights helping my friend D.  Last night A and I entertained the babies with those stacking cups and two very soft balls.  Gotta love IKEA!    Tonight, I was able to rock one of the babies to sleep.  He just snuggled and snuggled until he went out.  I even managed to lay him down without waking him up.  Sleep tight little one, sweet dreams. 

P.S. I don't think I blogged this but last Wednesday A and I had lots of fun drawing in chocoalate pudding.  You'd be nuts to try and do this activity in a classroom but one-on-one it is lots of fun.

P.P.S.  Check out the blog, "Are We There Yet, Len?"  This family is leaving Hong Kong on Thursday to return to Chicago with their daughters.  I happened across this blog somehow two to three weeks ago and having been following this family's journey through China.

What a weekend!!!

I have to start by sharing some very positive and happy news.  A woman on Vancouver Island who is adopting from one of the countries I am considering, travelled to her country last week to spend a month picking up her child.  Needless to say, I was thrilled for her and even more delighted that she was going to blog the journey so we, her followers, could live it vicariously.  It has been a long road for her and how exciting to finally be in that position!!!!  Her last blog on Thursday indicated there were some difficulties with the process that she wasn't allowed to explain.  My heart sank and I started to worry for her.  I tried to Google search for an answer and by sheer luck late Friday night found a family in the USA adopting from the same country who shared on their blog what the problem was.  My heart sank even further and now I felt sick.  OMG !  Is she going to be OK?  What would I do if this were me?  There was no news Saturday and I thought yikes!  A friend here asked me this afternoon, "Do you think she is ok?'"   "Yes," I replied confidently but with some inner scepticism, "her agency will take care of her."  This friend has first hand experience with international adoption from 17 years ago and thus knows all about the 'bumps in the road" that can happen.  After I got off the phone with my friend, I decided to check the woman's blog and see if she'd posted.  I was desperate for some news.   Low and behold she posted today that she has her son in her custody and just has to finalize a few papers and then begin the wait for his passport.  Ohhh, what a relief!     
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http://resources.bravenet.com/clipart/smiles/1









I am also following the blog of a couple adopting from China's Waiting Child program.  They return home to Chicago on Thursday.  They have two 18 month olds, one of which is adopted, so  they will have their hands full but what beautiful girls they are!   I met my dad at the airport this morning, he came in at the international arrivals and I walked him up to the domestic departures as he was going on to the island.  One group of people waiting had balloons and party horns to greet their arrival.  I couldn't help but think as I waited for him that hopefully one day I would be walking out through those doors with my child and that we would have family and friends waiting to welcome us.  I have already promised my grandma in California, 90 next March, that the first trip my child and I take after coming home will be to fly down and see her!!!!!!

Another blog I read, and don't ask me which one as I read so many, wrote about how a journey is usually a happy or exciting time but that the journey to adopt is more like a roller coaster ride with highs and lows.  I have already discovered this and despite the roadblocks with my age and being single am working hard to see the glass half-full  or the world with rose coloured glasses.  Another neat experience from this weekend was that the couple behind me in line at IKEA on Saturday were one of the couple's that had shared their journey at the first weekend of my adoption education course this summer.  This couple have the most adorable 14 month old and had success overnight on Canada Adopts with the most basic package.  If you haven't checked out this website please see the link to it on the right.  I'd love to hear your thoughts.  It was neat to see this couple again and to receive words of encouragement from them.  Their little girl is really lucky to have two great dads!  My clip art images are from free sites that just require you to put a link to their website.  Thought I'd try to jazz things up.  Have a wonderful week, not long now until Thanksgiving!  Please keep your fingers crossed that my homestudy gets final approval this week.  I would love to be able to stop the ticker!

http://www.clipartheaven.com/