If you are only going to lie there tossing and turning and debating whose neck you are going to wring first, why go to bed! I was asked to be a reference by the agency in Toronto for another single woman in BC and am now in the process making friends with a wonderful woman who lives about 5 hours away. We are email and phone buddies and have a lot in common. If we aren't off on parenthood leave next year, note my very optimistic thinking here as there is still NO news from you know where, we are thinking of having our students be penpals! I hope to meet this great gal one day as we shared some good laughs on the phone the other night.
On Sunday night I attended my first AFABC social event. I went to a potluck supper at a local couple's house and met other people in the same boat as me. Seems we all feel like we need an advocate! We are in different programs and going different routes (domestic, Canada Adopts, international) to try and create our families. Waiting parents are a unique breed of people! We are often strongly supported by family and friends yet face a very emotional journey with often little information forthcoming. We understand each other and can relate to each other's stories and experiences. The next AFABC waiting parents event will be sometime in September. Thank you so much to the couple who hosted the event and welcomed 10-12 complete strangers into their home.
Tuesday 26 June 2012
Wednesday 20 June 2012
Time - home for three weeks now
I can't believe in a couple of hours time I will have been home for 3 weeks! We got back around 1:00 in the morning. My country feels like a million miles away! Time is ticking and the lawyer's assistant's comment of, :if everything is in place, it could be a September court date" is now likely November if I decide to go this route! Presently, I am spinning my wheels in quick sand! There is no court in December and the last thing I want to do is spend Christmas in a hotel room in a foreign country! To those of you who were privy to my emails while travelling, I haven't made a decision but am investigating the possibility.
What has happened in those three weeks isn't much I'm afraid, although those of you that know me well, know I haven't been sitting still. Just picture a dog with a bone! The first week I was numb, shell-shocked, felt like I'd been dragged through a bush backwards, broken-hearted, and more emotions than I can name or care to post. I have run out of "i-stock credits" and although beyond broke (financially and emotionally) went to their website to see if they had pictures for the feelings I was experiencing, no, nothing not a single photo matched my emotions! Hence, no photos to post!
The first week back I had my dad here with me as he was at a conference here in Vancouver. We are very close and it was good to have his company. The weekend he left was particularly hard and last week was very tough too! I have been in tears several times but haven't actually broken down and cried yet although have felt like it a number of times. I am having to be patient in this process but this is hard when information isn't forth-coming. The end of last week, I tried to take the bull by the horns so as to avoid a repeat of the previous weekend. At the end of last week, I was asked to have patience! I wanted to scream and shout, "Do you know how long I have been trying to be patient?" I want some information and answers and don't believe they can be that hard to get. Unfortunately, there are no daisies around here to pick, not that I want to or feel like it anyway!
This week I have been encouraged by the agency director back east to be pro-active in this process. This is good news, but now I have to figure out what this means. I have to figure out how to be pro-active without stepping on another certain person's toes that I feel holds so much for me at the moment. For years I have advocated for my students with special needs, written letters to doctors telling them what we need to get a designation, and being pretty successful. Since I have been home I have been asking myself, why now when I am trying find and bring my child home do I keep striking out. I want help! Where is the person to help me accomplish this? I am so grateful to my friends and blogging buddies. I think I have posted before that I don't tweet or have a facebook page, but I have learnt there are some very wonderful people on-line walking the same journey who send me emails and support me. One day I wish we could have a great big family get together! What a multi-cultural party it would be with children from all over the world! Thanks especially to F, G and G.
I am beginning to wonder if there is some reason this adoption process isn't working out but try hard to stop these thoughts and to remind myself that the process of international is complex and challenging for most families. As several of us have said, it isn't for the faint of heart and we will certainly be able to teach our children about persistence and determination.
I have to give thanks to AFABC, who are absolutely wonderful. For those of you in BC - become a member you won't be sorry! After talking to them, I am pursuing a consultation with The Centre for Adoptive Medicine at Seattle Children's Hospital. I love the way Americans respond! Within hours of sending a request for information I had heard back from these people. One of the women in the office even made me laugh when she compared my process to "bushwhacking". Maybe "i-stock" have a photo for that! I had an experience with the American medical system in December of last year and I was very impressed so have decided to go south of the border again! I will keep you informed, as much as I can on my blog, of their services and support but have barely started and already feel supported. I don't think their costs are bad at all, not given what I have already paid and what I have got for that significant sum of money.
I begin to wonder if I am going through some grieving process as this week I find myself feeling angry with the system and the lack of success with my trip. I knew if the trip wound up like this, I wouldn't be too happy a camper once home, but I didn't believe it would go this way. I was so absolutely positive, certain I would find a child. Maybe I did or as A said on at dinner last Friday, maybe my child found me.
It is Thursday in about 20 minutes! Maybe I'll hear news before the weekend, after all I do have Thursday and Friday but I'm not holding my breath! I tried to make a phone call tonight, thanks to being given permission to make it, but the person is away is until the end of next week! Another delay!
Good night all. I sure wish I had some positive news to share and was making progress. While I investigate at Seattle Children's I am also starting to research an other country. Not sure how I can afford to do this, but the end result is what is driving me.
What has happened in those three weeks isn't much I'm afraid, although those of you that know me well, know I haven't been sitting still. Just picture a dog with a bone! The first week I was numb, shell-shocked, felt like I'd been dragged through a bush backwards, broken-hearted, and more emotions than I can name or care to post. I have run out of "i-stock credits" and although beyond broke (financially and emotionally) went to their website to see if they had pictures for the feelings I was experiencing, no, nothing not a single photo matched my emotions! Hence, no photos to post!
The first week back I had my dad here with me as he was at a conference here in Vancouver. We are very close and it was good to have his company. The weekend he left was particularly hard and last week was very tough too! I have been in tears several times but haven't actually broken down and cried yet although have felt like it a number of times. I am having to be patient in this process but this is hard when information isn't forth-coming. The end of last week, I tried to take the bull by the horns so as to avoid a repeat of the previous weekend. At the end of last week, I was asked to have patience! I wanted to scream and shout, "Do you know how long I have been trying to be patient?" I want some information and answers and don't believe they can be that hard to get. Unfortunately, there are no daisies around here to pick, not that I want to or feel like it anyway!
This week I have been encouraged by the agency director back east to be pro-active in this process. This is good news, but now I have to figure out what this means. I have to figure out how to be pro-active without stepping on another certain person's toes that I feel holds so much for me at the moment. For years I have advocated for my students with special needs, written letters to doctors telling them what we need to get a designation, and being pretty successful. Since I have been home I have been asking myself, why now when I am trying find and bring my child home do I keep striking out. I want help! Where is the person to help me accomplish this? I am so grateful to my friends and blogging buddies. I think I have posted before that I don't tweet or have a facebook page, but I have learnt there are some very wonderful people on-line walking the same journey who send me emails and support me. One day I wish we could have a great big family get together! What a multi-cultural party it would be with children from all over the world! Thanks especially to F, G and G.
I am beginning to wonder if there is some reason this adoption process isn't working out but try hard to stop these thoughts and to remind myself that the process of international is complex and challenging for most families. As several of us have said, it isn't for the faint of heart and we will certainly be able to teach our children about persistence and determination.
I have to give thanks to AFABC, who are absolutely wonderful. For those of you in BC - become a member you won't be sorry! After talking to them, I am pursuing a consultation with The Centre for Adoptive Medicine at Seattle Children's Hospital. I love the way Americans respond! Within hours of sending a request for information I had heard back from these people. One of the women in the office even made me laugh when she compared my process to "bushwhacking". Maybe "i-stock" have a photo for that! I had an experience with the American medical system in December of last year and I was very impressed so have decided to go south of the border again! I will keep you informed, as much as I can on my blog, of their services and support but have barely started and already feel supported. I don't think their costs are bad at all, not given what I have already paid and what I have got for that significant sum of money.
I begin to wonder if I am going through some grieving process as this week I find myself feeling angry with the system and the lack of success with my trip. I knew if the trip wound up like this, I wouldn't be too happy a camper once home, but I didn't believe it would go this way. I was so absolutely positive, certain I would find a child. Maybe I did or as A said on at dinner last Friday, maybe my child found me.
It is Thursday in about 20 minutes! Maybe I'll hear news before the weekend, after all I do have Thursday and Friday but I'm not holding my breath! I tried to make a phone call tonight, thanks to being given permission to make it, but the person is away is until the end of next week! Another delay!
Good night all. I sure wish I had some positive news to share and was making progress. While I investigate at Seattle Children's I am also starting to research an other country. Not sure how I can afford to do this, but the end result is what is driving me.
Tuesday 12 June 2012
Was I duped today?
A few years ago there used to be a very friendly, pleasant homeless guy outside of London Drugs. He was never in your face, stoned or drunk, and was always polite. I talked to him several times and gave him money a few times. Once some to put towards a hard hat for work, another time for McDonalds, again for a hostel so he could shower to go to work. He had the uncanny ability to be outside London Drugs on days where I felt like nothing had gone right and I'd had a day from H-E - double hockey sticks! I believed in him to a certain extent and one time he told me he'd been in nine different foster homes. I can remember thinking, "Too bad I didn't have a foster home, I'd have made things work for you!" Well I haven't seen him in a long, long time and the other guys that hang around outside London Drugs have not made the same impression or connection with me. I know what you are all thinking, perhaps I am a sucker, but I felt I had to give him a chance. I don't know what it was about him, but I think he would been one of those kids that no matter how difficult they were in your class and how crazy they drove you, you couldn't help but love them. Apparently according to my friend C, a gal that used to work at summer school with us had a boyfriend that gave him money as well.
I have been riding such an emotional roller coaster since arriving home and am having to really practice the virture of patience. It is all I can do not to scream and shout. I was going to teach my kids a new word today, inept! Anyway, this guy for some reason has crossed my mind several times. I haven't seen him in years and wondered if he had made it!
Fast forward to this afternoon. I left school right after the bell. I had to get a card and gift in the mail for Father's Day and decided that despite wanting to come home and crawl into bed, I would attend a meeting so I could take my half-day off without feeling guilty. That darn old guilt - another story! Well, this guy came up to me out side Shopper's Drug Mart and said, "Hi, you don't recognize me do you?" - I must have looked puzzled. He continued, "I used to hang outside London Drugs and you'd help me." I was speechless! He is clean, nicely dressed with glasses and looked quite presentable! I couldn't believe it! How and why after thinking about him like I have over the last week, should I bump into him? Anyway, he tells me has completed grade 9 and 10 and is presently getting his lowest grades of 81% in grade 11 adult ed. When he completes his high school courses he is going to become a drug and alcohol counsellor and help the people on the downtown East Side. He then explained how after paying his rent he was left with only $27/month for food! How he is having to fight for disability. Now those parts were believable thanks to our present provincial government, welfare rates, etc. Anyway you can guess his next question, "Can you give me anything for food?" I had no money on me and made the decision to go and get him some money from the bank. Needless to say since I've been on unpaid leave there wasn't a whole lot to give! He was very grateful and told me he'd go to Superstore. I sat talking to him for a few minutes and told him how proud I was of him and how I had been wondering about since returning from my rather mixed trip. I figure whatever he spends it on beats me spending it on pop and chocolate!!!!
Now what are the odds after all these years of bumping into him like I did? He said he is in my neighbourhood every Tuesday afternoon because he volunteers at a local church. If I hadn't left school early today, I'd never have bumped into him as I am never in the village at this time. As I drove to my meeting, I thought I'm going to phone that church, double check his story and then once a month leave him some groceries or a gift card for Superstore. My determination with this seemingly endless process I've embarked in, is nothing in comparision to his!
I came away thinking, if I can't make a difference in a child's life at the moment thanks to things far beyond my control, then at least I can maybe feel good by helping T out. If I was duped, then I'm a sucker! If not, then hopefully T is able to have a few decent dinners. He is probably better at me than budgeting money! Regardless, he made my day and at the moment I'll take that!
On the adoption front: No emails from my country! I am beyond frustrated! I am growing fonder of the child I met and can't believe this is now almost two weeks without information!
I have been riding such an emotional roller coaster since arriving home and am having to really practice the virture of patience. It is all I can do not to scream and shout. I was going to teach my kids a new word today, inept! Anyway, this guy for some reason has crossed my mind several times. I haven't seen him in years and wondered if he had made it!
Fast forward to this afternoon. I left school right after the bell. I had to get a card and gift in the mail for Father's Day and decided that despite wanting to come home and crawl into bed, I would attend a meeting so I could take my half-day off without feeling guilty. That darn old guilt - another story! Well, this guy came up to me out side Shopper's Drug Mart and said, "Hi, you don't recognize me do you?" - I must have looked puzzled. He continued, "I used to hang outside London Drugs and you'd help me." I was speechless! He is clean, nicely dressed with glasses and looked quite presentable! I couldn't believe it! How and why after thinking about him like I have over the last week, should I bump into him? Anyway, he tells me has completed grade 9 and 10 and is presently getting his lowest grades of 81% in grade 11 adult ed. When he completes his high school courses he is going to become a drug and alcohol counsellor and help the people on the downtown East Side. He then explained how after paying his rent he was left with only $27/month for food! How he is having to fight for disability. Now those parts were believable thanks to our present provincial government, welfare rates, etc. Anyway you can guess his next question, "Can you give me anything for food?" I had no money on me and made the decision to go and get him some money from the bank. Needless to say since I've been on unpaid leave there wasn't a whole lot to give! He was very grateful and told me he'd go to Superstore. I sat talking to him for a few minutes and told him how proud I was of him and how I had been wondering about since returning from my rather mixed trip. I figure whatever he spends it on beats me spending it on pop and chocolate!!!!
Now what are the odds after all these years of bumping into him like I did? He said he is in my neighbourhood every Tuesday afternoon because he volunteers at a local church. If I hadn't left school early today, I'd never have bumped into him as I am never in the village at this time. As I drove to my meeting, I thought I'm going to phone that church, double check his story and then once a month leave him some groceries or a gift card for Superstore. My determination with this seemingly endless process I've embarked in, is nothing in comparision to his!
I came away thinking, if I can't make a difference in a child's life at the moment thanks to things far beyond my control, then at least I can maybe feel good by helping T out. If I was duped, then I'm a sucker! If not, then hopefully T is able to have a few decent dinners. He is probably better at me than budgeting money! Regardless, he made my day and at the moment I'll take that!
On the adoption front: No emails from my country! I am beyond frustrated! I am growing fonder of the child I met and can't believe this is now almost two weeks without information!
Sunday 10 June 2012
I'm back to using this blog and prayers for Lucy
Not back as I had hoped and expected with wonderful news to announce, but back with an incredible, amazing, eye-opening, heart-wrenching and life-touching experience. Thank you to LC for sharing this with me and to everybody else that is supporting, encouraging and following me in this process/journey. My trip is one I will never forget. In fact, if I were independently wealthy I would go back and spend time with the wonderful children I had the opportunity to meet. I now have to wait patiently for information and either work on changing the vision I entered the adoption process or have faith in a system that I have now experienced first hand!
This week I learned little Lucy's cancer is back. If you are interested you can read her family's blog here. I had first read about her story in Feb/March from the blog called "Catherine's Chatter" and for a short time before I travelled, despite having a feeding tube, things looked like they might be turning in this little girl's favour. One can't help but be touched and captivated by this sweet, sweet little girl. In the last couple of weeks have taken a sudden and very sad turn. I know several of us have picked up on Lucy's story from Catherine's blog and my friend "F" on her blog "Viaggio da Vietnam" has posted about it as well. Please keep Lucy and her family in your thoughts and prayers at this difficult time. The strength and faith this family has is amazing!
This week I learned little Lucy's cancer is back. If you are interested you can read her family's blog here. I had first read about her story in Feb/March from the blog called "Catherine's Chatter" and for a short time before I travelled, despite having a feeding tube, things looked like they might be turning in this little girl's favour. One can't help but be touched and captivated by this sweet, sweet little girl. In the last couple of weeks have taken a sudden and very sad turn. I know several of us have picked up on Lucy's story from Catherine's blog and my friend "F" on her blog "Viaggio da Vietnam" has posted about it as well. Please keep Lucy and her family in your thoughts and prayers at this difficult time. The strength and faith this family has is amazing!
Wednesday 6 June 2012
Home in Body But Not In Spirit
Well, I arrived home a week ago tonight and it has been a very difficult week in a number of ways! My heart is still in my country with the children I met. I can't stop thinking about J&L and the opportunity they would have here, about the home and life I could give some of the others. I spoke to the director of my Ontario agency this morning and am trying to work things out. I haven't spoken to my local agency yet, with the week I've had I haven't had the time to contact them. I found the image below on a fellow blogger's blog. She found it on Pinterest. It sort of speaks to the decision I am facing at the moment. I can't wait to talk to some of you and show you the photos and videos. R and A I am especially interested in hearing your thoughts. Thank you T for talking to me yesterday. The vision I had going into this process looks very different than the one I could be facing now, that is why I had to come to make the decision. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, as it is really about the connection the child and I have, and ultimately the relationship we would have.
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| Source: Pinterest |
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