Saturday, 29 October 2011

I don't know what to write except to say I might rename this blog. How about "My Adoption-less Journey"?

How was Victoria? 
Well, in a nut shell it was good I went, despite the expense, because if I didn't I would be wondering if I missed an opportunity.

Read on if you want the long version
Thursday afternoon I checked my email with a sixth sense that something wasn't right.  Low and behold it wasn't.  I had an email from the woman organizing Friday's matching event telling me I need 15 copies of a one page profile about myself with photos!   YIKES!!!  I hit the panic button.  I now had to try and put this together and catch the ferry.  I had asked on Oct. 21 if I needed to bring anything and had heard nothing.  I flew home, well not literally, but high tailed it out of school and up the road to home.  Thank goodness for being five minutes from work.  With future Aunty P's help, we managed to find two semi-decent photos of me, one in my classroom and one in London, which we took up to London Drugs.  I love their one hour photo processing!  Then I came home and tried to condense my 11 page home study into two pages with room for the photos.  Around 7:30 I finally left my place for the ferry.   Made the 9:00 ferry and put my profile pages together in the cafeteria.   Got to Mum and Dad's around 11:30!  The flannelette sheets were heavenly and I slept really well.  I can't use them in the apartment here as the place is too hot even with the heat off!

The Matching Event was at a golf course and driving range out of town close to Victoria General.  I was there alone which felt a bit awkward as all the other prospective parents had their social workers with them.  When it was my turn, close to the end of the day, I managed to introduce myself and got a few laughs with different things I said.  One time people laughed was when I was mentioning that maintaining openness with birth family members wasn't a problem due to my parents being in Victoria, I referred to BC Ferries as a 'mini-cruise'.  I joke with my students that the ferry is the closest thing to a cruise I will ever take! 

copyright: istockphoto.com/benedek

The day proceeded with one or two waiting children being profiled followed by a few prospective parents introducing themselves.   Many people seemed to have acres of land for children to play on and an endless variety of pets!   For the record:  I LIVE IN ONE OF, IF NOT THE MOST EXPENSIVE CITY IN CANADA AND I DO NOT OWN MY OWN HOME WITH A WHITE PICKET FENCE.   There are lots of families in Vancouver raising children in apartments due to the high cost of living and it just requires more effort on our part as parents to take them out to parks and playgrounds, something I am more than willing to do.   I DO NOT HAVE ANY PETS. I live in a building which is pet free but once I adopt my child and can move without having to pay to have my home study updated I can always get a cat.   Or maybe my child will be OK with a hamster or gerbil.  I'm sure Hayley, my sister's cat, would love the gerbil!  

copyright: istockphoto.com/GlobalP


copyright: istockphoto.com/ScantyNebula
 


I AM NOT MISS ATHLETIC.  I swim, walk and ride my bike but due to poor hand-eye coordination have never been any good at a lot of ball sports.  I will however be a fantastic cheerleader for my child's athletic endeavours.  Are all birth parents natural athletes?  


copyright: istockphoto.com/shironosov

 I WRITE THIS ONE WITH SOME CAUTION, BUT LIKE MANY OF THE PARENTS THERE I AM NOT OF FIRST NATIONS ANCESTRY.  I totally understand and appreciate keeping children connected to their culture and heritage but when does a 'forever family' come into the picture. NEITHER AM I MARRIED OR IN ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP.  I almost see this as an advantage as my child will never have to suffer through the pain of a separation or divorce.  My child will also receive my undivided attention, not that he or she will be spoiled or doted upon, but they won't have to compete for my time.  AFTER MY 35 WEEKS OF E.I.  I WILL HAVE TO RETURN TO WORK FULL TIME.  I don't have the benefit of a job that allows me to work from home or the good fortune of being supported so I can be a stay-at-home mum.   What I do have are the same holidays as my child and a school that at present has before and after school across the road.  I also have the ability to take my child to work with me, so to speak.

 Now I have to ask does a heart's yearning and desire, unconditional and bottomless love, and totally eager, supportive and excited family and friends factor into the adoption equation?  Is what I can do for and with my child given my background a benefit?  Is who I am as a person important?  Our world is already so materialistic, does it have to spill over into the adoption process.  If I were a birth mum giving up my baby, yes I'd want to know my child could be provided for, but what would be most important to me is to know they would be loved to the end of the earth and back!  That they would be cherished and adored, loved for who they were, and be the centre of a person's and her extended family's life.

I may have committed 'adoption' suicide with this post but it hurts to see and feel the discrimination in all aspects of adoption: internationally - my marital status as a single greatly decreases the number of countries available to me.  Domestically - I don' have the house, cottage on a lake, stay-at-home mum ability, and now with the Ministry, not being of First Nations ancestry.
I did manage to find out late Friday afternoon that the agency in Ontario for my new country is a bit slow.  That might explain why my new worker here is having trouble getting information.  Monday will be two weeks with no information from the agency in Ontario.  Do they want to work with me or not?  On a positive note I did find out that there is another agency in Ontario that also facilitates adoptions from the country I am hoping to go with and have named in my home study.  I tried to phone this new agency in Ontario this morning as they were open.  The manager was busy and I will have to phone back during the week and ask them some questions.   

With what I have shared today, why not share it all!!!!!  I am beginning to feel quite sick.  My surgery in November is looming fast and I haven't made any progress.  A fellow blogger had blogged a year ago February about her 'adoption-less' journey so I guess the feelings I am having and the frustration I am experiencing are common among prospective parents.  It is very hard not to become bitter and jaded in the process.  I so did not want to be in this stalled, spinning my wheels position with my surgery.  I wanted to be registered with a country so I could enter the OR at peace with my decision.

Thank you to all my friends and family for your support.  You are putting up with a lot right now and I can't thank you enough.  One day I hope we can celebrate! 

Signing out for bed and fingers crossed, a full  night's sleep.

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