Check out the blog under Honduras called 'On My Way Again' and entry called "Home"

Congratulations to a fellow blogger, relative neighbour so to speak (the island isn't that far from the lower mainland), and a successful adoptive parent, twice.  What a quest you have been on to bring your son home from Honduras!  I have been waiting for this post and thinking of you all weekend.  So glad to hear you made it home safe and sound.  Go look at this post.  I am sure it will put a smile on your face.  It did mine!

copyright: istockphoto.com/spanteldotru




copyright: istockphotoe.com/JulNichols


** If you are reading this at a later date, you need to look for an Oct. 31, 2011 on the 'On My Way Again' blog.  

copyright: istockphoto.com/NWphotoguy



Hope your Halloween was happy, safe and candy filled. 

Happy Anniversary Mum and Dad!



I don't know what to write except to say I might rename this blog. How about "My Adoption-less Journey"?

How was Victoria? 
Well, in a nut shell it was good I went, despite the expense, because if I didn't I would be wondering if I missed an opportunity.

Read on if you want the long version
Thursday afternoon I checked my email with a sixth sense that something wasn't right.  Low and behold it wasn't.  I had an email from the woman organizing Friday's matching event telling me I need 15 copies of a one page profile about myself with photos!   YIKES!!!  I hit the panic button.  I now had to try and put this together and catch the ferry.  I had asked on Oct. 21 if I needed to bring anything and had heard nothing.  I flew home, well not literally, but high tailed it out of school and up the road to home.  Thank goodness for being five minutes from work.  With future Aunty P's help, we managed to find two semi-decent photos of me, one in my classroom and one in London, which we took up to London Drugs.  I love their one hour photo processing!  Then I came home and tried to condense my 11 page home study into two pages with room for the photos.  Around 7:30 I finally left my place for the ferry.   Made the 9:00 ferry and put my profile pages together in the cafeteria.   Got to Mum and Dad's around 11:30!  The flannelette sheets were heavenly and I slept really well.  I can't use them in the apartment here as the place is too hot even with the heat off!

The Matching Event was at a golf course and driving range out of town close to Victoria General.  I was there alone which felt a bit awkward as all the other prospective parents had their social workers with them.  When it was my turn, close to the end of the day, I managed to introduce myself and got a few laughs with different things I said.  One time people laughed was when I was mentioning that maintaining openness with birth family members wasn't a problem due to my parents being in Victoria, I referred to BC Ferries as a 'mini-cruise'.  I joke with my students that the ferry is the closest thing to a cruise I will ever take! 


copyright: istockphoto.com/benedek


The day proceeded with one or two waiting children being profiled followed by a few prospective parents introducing themselves.   Many people seemed to have acres of land for children to play on and an endless variety of pets!   For the record:  I LIVE IN ONE OF, IF NOT THE MOST EXPENSIVE CITY IN CANADA AND I DO NOT OWN MY OWN HOME WITH A WHITE PICKET FENCE.   There are lots of families in Vancouver raising children in apartments due to the high cost of living and it just requires more effort on our part as parents to take them out to parks and playgrounds, something I am more than willing to do.   I DO NOT HAVE ANY PETS. I live in a building which is pet free but once I adopt my child and can move without having to pay to have my home study updated I can always get a cat.   Or maybe my child will be OK with a hamster or gerbil.  I'm sure Hayley, my sister's cat, would love the gerbil!  


copyright: istockphoto.com/GlobalP





copyright: istockphoto.com/ScantyNebula

 

I AM NOT MISS ATHLETIC.  I swim, walk and ride my bike but due to poor hand-eye coordination have never been any good at a lot of ball sports.  I will however be a fantastic cheerleader for my child's athletic endeavours.  Are all birth parents natural athletes?  



copyright: istockphoto.com/shironosov



 I WRITE THIS ONE WITH SOME CAUTION, BUT LIKE MANY OF THE PARENTS THERE I AM NOT OF FIRST NATIONS ANCESTRY.  I totally understand and appreciate keeping children connected to their culture and heritage but when does a 'forever family' come into the picture. NEITHER AM I MARRIED OR IN ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP.  I almost see this as an advantage as my child will never have to suffer through the pain of a separation or divorce.  My child will also receive my undivided attention, not that he or she will be spoiled or doted upon, but they won't have to compete for my time.  AFTER MY 35 WEEKS OF E.I.  I WILL HAVE TO RETURN TO WORK FULL TIME.  I don't have the benefit of a job that allows me to work from home or the good fortune of being supported so I can be a stay-at-home mum.   What I do have are the same holidays as my child and a school that at present has before and after school across the road.  I also have the ability to take my child to work with me, so to speak.

 Now I have to ask does a heart's yearning and desire, unconditional and bottomless love, and totally eager, supportive and excited family and friends factor into the adoption equation?  Is what I can do for and with my child given my background a benefit?  Is who I am as a person important?  Our world is already so materialistic, does it have to spill over into the adoption process.  If I were a birth mum giving up my baby, yes I'd want to know my child could be provided for, but what would be most important to me is to know they would be loved to the end of the earth and back!  That they would be cherished and adored, loved for who they were, and be the centre of a person's and her extended family's life.

I may have committed 'adoption' suicide with this post but it hurts to see and feel the discrimination in all aspects of adoption: internationally - my marital status as a single greatly decreases the number of countries available to me.  Domestically - I don' have the house, cottage on a lake, stay-at-home mum ability, and now with the Ministry, not being of First Nations ancestry.
I did manage to find out late Friday afternoon that the agency in Ontario for my new country is a bit slow.  That might explain why my new worker here is having trouble getting information.  Monday will be two weeks with no information from the agency in Ontario.  Do they want to work with me or not?  On a positive note I did find out that there is another agency in Ontario that also facilitates adoptions from the country I am hoping to go with and have named in my home study.  I tried to phone this new agency in Ontario this morning as they were open.  The manager was busy and I will have to phone back during the week and ask them some questions.   

With what I have shared today, why not share it all!!!!!  I am beginning to feel quite sick.  My surgery in November is looming fast and I haven't made any progress.  A fellow blogger had blogged a year ago February about her 'adoption-less' journey so I guess the feelings I am having and the frustration I am experiencing are common among prospective parents.  It is very hard not to become bitter and jaded in the process.  I so did not want to be in this stalled, spinning my wheels position with my surgery.  I wanted to be registered with a country so I could enter the OR at peace with my decision.

Thank you to all my friends and family for your support.  You are putting up with a lot right now and I can't thank you enough.  One day I hope we can celebrate! 

Signing out for bed and fingers crossed, a full  night's sleep.

I finally got my home study in my hot little hands!

I finally got approval and complete signing off on my home study.  The home study was actually started on June 14th.  I had six sessions with my social worker here at the apartment and then one at school on September 16 at which time we both signed.  My ticker has been counting from Sept. 16.  I have been approved to adopt a child either internationally or domestically.   I have a quote for the fees for the next step in both directions.  YIKES!  Before paying the rather large international fee, I want to know that things are going to move ahead with my new country.  If they aren't, then I don't know what I'll do.  I think today's photo is rather appropriate.  Let's say it's me holding the first piece of the puzzle in this journey.


copyright: istockphoto.com/CGinspiration

 I am off to Victoria after work on Thursday to attend a meeting on Friday about local adoptions in B.C.  I have been given personal leave to attend this event and it would be great if something happened.  The time, energy, blood, sweat, tears and I hate to say it but money, a local adoption would save would be amazing.  I'll post more when I get back.

Beyond Frustrated!

My wish today is that the helpful lady that works at the school board office and is in charge of teacher leaves worked at my local agency.  The day of personal leave I requested for Friday was granted in less than 16 hours!  No point even putting a ticker on that one as it wouldn't even clock a day!  No news from my new Adoption Worker on cost or process with the new country.  As I wait for a response, I shudder at the thought of the number of prospective parents getting in line ahead of me.  In trying to keep things positive, I have to say I love the photos on istockphoto.com.  Check them out.  They have photos for everything.  All the photos I am using are the smallest size possible (2 credits) and they seem to work fine on my blog.


copyright: istockphoto.com/hohojirozame




Is it worth continuing to read this book?



 

 http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Your-Internationally-Adopted-Child/dp/1558323260








 
Perhaps I should be reading this one!



http://www.amazon.com/Never-Be-Mother-Couldnt-Children/dp/0788169459/ref=sr_1_1_title_0_main?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1319516046&sr=1-1



The Adoption Journey in a snapshot to date:

 Please be advised this journey is not for the faint of heart or weak of knees!  You need perservance, faith and hope not to mention the support, encouragement and love of family and friends.  Perhaps most importantly as the Brits would say you also need a  stiff upper lip. 



copyright: istockphoto.com/CGinspiration

 

I think I'll let the pictures do the talking for this week!

One of the blogs I have a link to, forgive me because I forget which one, has 'Wordless Wednesday' posts.  I thought this was a really cute idea and as I don't have my child yet to post pictues of  I decided would find a website that has what are called stock photos.  I have registered and signed up with istockphotos.   You purchase credits and then download photos to use on blogs, websites, flyers etc. 

Here goes!


copyright: istockphoto.com/skvoor



copyright: istockphoto.com/Kronick



copyright: istockphoto.com/burcintuncer

 For those of you encouraging me to get back to my waliking I only went out twice this week, Monday and Tuesday.  Wednesday I was at a friend's, Thursday I had company, Friday I was too tired!


copyright: istockphoto.com./DonNichols

 

Anticipating Great Things This Week

I've got to keep my chin up and ditch the chocolate!!!!!   Thank you so much A.M. for you hugs and kind words  in Safeway tonight. You don't know how much they and your support means to me.  I so hope you will be an honorary aunty one day.  I  got in another walk tonight and got home just as it was getting dark.  Last Wednesday, after encouragemnt from three people, I am trying to get back to my walking.  It is not the amount I was doing this time last year, but it is important I start to do something given November.  I've managed Wed. Thurs., Sun, Mon. not too bad!  Does Costco count on Saturday ?

I was at union training workshop all day today.  I then went to my local agency hoping to pick up my homestudy and move forward.  My adoption worker (AW) had made contact with the facilitator in Ontario briefly today and my agency will be able to work with the faciliator.  This is good news as it saves me having to make a change in provincial or local agencies.  Now I am very eager to get registered and with the program.  My homestudy still wasn't quite ready - later this week I hope.  Unfortunately my AW has gone on medical leave.  I think we were both hopeful this new country would be a positive route so hopefully there is lots of progress prior to her return.  My case has been transferred to another AW at the agency who exercised caution over haste.  I am hoping to start collecting the necessary documents for the dossier and then getting them notarized while my new AW at the agency and facilitator work out their particulars as they are new to each other.  I feel very good about this country and am more than ready to move forward.  I am not sure if this country asks for donations to their orphanges but if they do, I will need to find a Roy as in the blog called My Greatest Adventure.

I don't know if there is a saint for adoptive parents, children  and families but I think there should be!  From the blogs I am following there are a couple of families in Honduras right now that could do with your prayers, thoughts and best wishes. 

Have a great week. Hopefully things will continue to move forward.

Oh the ride!

I woke up very early this morning hoping for a good news phone call from my agency.  Unfortunately the facilitator at the agency in Ontario is away until Monday so there was no news.   I was so disappointed my adoption worker here was unable to make the contact and that I will spend yet another weekend stalled.  I am meeting my adoption worker on Monday to get a copy of my homestudy and have decided that I will then decide what to do.  I so badly want to be registered with the country, my dossier submitted and on their wait list that if I have to change local agencies that is what I will do.  I went to a beautiful retirement party for a colleague at my former school tonight and wow had the staff done a fabulous job!  It was lovely to see people I hadn't seen in a long time.   This colleague has done so much in his time as an educator, coach and really good person and I am sure has touched many lives during his career. 

A Positive Meeting

I met with my social worker at the local agency after school today and talked about the possible new country.  She is going to see if the agency can work with the facilitator in Ontario.  If so, I think I am ready to take a leap of faith but I am not getting too excited until I see the dossier requirements and other information in black and white.  My social worker is also going to ask about what is involved in the medical (see my worry in an early post) and if there are any references, or families that have completed the adoption process with this country.   I have to say that I am very excited about this option as the age of child will likely be between 1 - 3 years of age.  If  my agency here for some reason can't work with the Ontario facilitator then I will switch provincial agencies.  My social worker will contact me tomorrow and if all goes well I could be moving down a double path on Monday, the international path and Canada Adopts.  If not, then I will be registering with the new agency and then moving forwards.  Yikes!  I could be spending time this weekend composing my 'Dear Birth Mother' letter.   I will post tomorrow with news either way.  Although this is very positive and exciting, it is the next step in the process and then the waiting begins.  A couple in one of the Yahoo groups I have joined said when your dossier has been accepted and you are waiting, it is very important to get on with life.  This is very good advice as it is easy to let this journey consume one's life, conversations, thoughts etc., but may be a bit of a challenge to follow.   I will give it my best and have started walking again.  I walked for 40 minutes the last two nights, nothing compared to what I was doing, but a start.    I think I also have a  little friend out there praying for me.  His mum told me he takes his prayers very seriously and since I caught up with her a few weeks back there seems to have been some movement.

Happy Thanksgiving

A belated Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends, the special people in my life that I have shared this journey with and anybody that is visiting, following and reading my blog.  (No, I haven't forgotten my family.  I was with them for the weekend!)  I have a lot to be thankful for: loving family and friends, supportive colleagues, good health to name a few things, and hopefully one day somebody little I can add to the list.  Having an extra day off on Friday, thanks to a modified school year by my school district, allowed me to make a few phone calls.  I left a second message at one agency re: their country.  Still no response!  The newly opened country I have blogged about, I received information from on Friday morning.  I also had a very good conversation with the director of my local agency and it is no problem to change a few sentences in the home study to reflect the change in country.  After all, the home study should mention the new country I am hoping to adopt from!  I have an appointment after school on Thursday with my local agency so please keep your fingers crossed, say a prayer, or whatever it is you do when you want things to work out, to let me stop the ticker on Thursday!   I may not need to change local agencies to go with this new country but if I have to, it is not a big deal at this point.  The director here was very friendly and most helpful.  After talking to her, I may not register on the agency's domestic list as I can register for Canada Adopts directly but still use the agency for representation.  If I understand things correctly I would then pay per each inquiry by a birth mum. I think I need to take a leap of faith and on Thursday tell my agency to send my home study to the agency in Ontario that works with my new country.  Oh, it will be so much easier when I can name the country.  I hate talking in "code" but just don't want to jeopardize anything at the moment.   As for the Novemeber event, I have very mixed feelings, especially after a very expensive ($375) visit to the pharmacy!!!!  I have shed some tears this weekend and have until 4:00 tomorrow, Tuesday to decide what to do. 

Thank you to those of you who have talked to me or asked me questions about this blog. I appreciate knowing this isn't all lost in cyberspace!   As a friend and colleague said last week the blog will certainly be a record of the process although it is about eight months late in starting!  The first week back at school after Christmas was when I actually started investigating and looking into things.  There are quite a few things I have already done.  For example;  I made and gave a Powerpoint presentation from a letter on the AFABC website to the BCTF provincial Status of Women committe in May re: "top up" for adoptive parents.  Top-up varies from district to district at the moment, mine gives it as long as it the adoption doesn't take place in July or August, but quite a number of school districts don't.  I think this should be in our provincial collective agreement so all teachers in BC have equal benefits thus I can only hope the electronic copy the wonderful women on this committee took is being put to good use.  There is also a difference in EI benefits between women that give birth and women that adopt.  This issue is one that I can't and will not tackle but other adoptive parents have tried.  I guess you could call it a "David and Goliath" battle!  I have also learned from my research that Quebec has a generous tax credit to help adoptive parents defray the cost of adoption versus the federal credit.  More on this later.  If our provincal government here in BC truly wants to put families first perhpaps they could implent a similar tax credit to Quebec.  This is a letter for me to write once my dossier is sent to my country and I am waiting.   I don't mean to bore you with all this other stuff but it is all a part of the process I am going through and it has proven to be quite eye-opening.  I have always advocated and when necesary fought for support for my students, and will certainly continue to do, but now it is time to advocate for myself, something that seems much harder to do!  Unless you have been through the process, or have family members or friends that have adopted, the challenges and discrimination faced by prospective parents is duanting!  Not a battle for the faint of heart and weak of knees.   Onward and upward - let's hope there is real progress this week!

The clipart today is from: http://www.free-graphics.com/clipart/Holidays/Thanksgiving/thanksgiving1.shtml



Tick, tock, tick, tock!

http://www.clipartheaven.com/

I am fighting a cold and so am struggling to write this tonight and keep the tone positive.  Forgive me.  Still no news from the agency in Ontario on the possible new country I blogged about Friday.  For those of you that know me well, you know I have been doing tons of my own research.  The HIV rate is high in this country and so now I have some else to think (a.k.a. - worry) about.  I need information from this agency before I do anything.  I am looking into a local event with the Ministry but have to wait until next week for details.  I have an appointment after school next Thursday with my local agency and at that time will attempt to register for the domestic list and Canada Adopts.  Until then my homestudy continues to remain offically unfinished.  Frustrating beyond belief as it is now over a month but I can't do anymore.  Today, I am really leaning towards postponing Nov. 15 as I feel I need to keep options open.  Thank goodness for the long weekend.  I am heading to my parents and am in need of some TLC.  To anybody outside of Canada reading this, I know I've had a few hits which is very exciting, this Monday, October 10,  is Canadian Thanksgiving.

Oh dear! What to do?

I have to begin by saying I went to a former principal's retirement party tonight (Monday, even though this post is dated as Tuesday).  It was lovely to have a quick visit with him and to see so many turn out to thank him for his efforts and accomplishments as a teacher, principal and senior manager.  This man has done so much for so many people, I don't think he fully realizes his impact.  The local school board will miss his insight, widsom, knowledge and as the person speaking said, his "moral compass".  Enjoy retirement P!  You have left very big shoes to fill.

Sunday afternoon I went to the AEP (adoption education program) my agency was holding as they had invited a birth mother.  In the session I attended in July they hadn't been able to arrange for a birth mother to come so had invited us back.  The young woman that showed up was absolutely amazing!  She has an incredidbly open relationship with the adoptive parents and it was quite the story.  The story although very happy is a little challenging for those of us waiting as the adoptive parents were chosen before they had even put themselves on the domestic registry!  The birth mother was looking for very specific racial requirements, as well as what I can guess are pretty "typical" requests: a house, a  big yard, a dog and a big family.   This young lady wanted more for her baby than she could offer and called adoption, the "loving option".  What maturity and wisdom for somebody so young!  She graduates this year and is going on to post-secondary education.  I wish her the very best.  She also spends time talking to teens in high schools to educate them of their options.  Oh how I wish one of these teens would see me for what I have to offer, not what I don't.  Obviously being single in Vancouver, one of the world's most expensive cities, is a disadvantage.  I don't own my own place but instead rent a very spacious apartment in a very safe and friendly part of the city.  I don't have a spouse or partner but instead have the ability to give all my love and attention to a child.  Not to mention family and friends who will cherish my child.  My child will never have to suffer more loss in the form of seperation or divorce.  I have a small but very close, loving and supportive immediate family and a large extended family in California.  How do I market my attributes against those of couples?  My greatest wish is that birth mums see me for what I have and can offer.

No news on the country front.  I was hoping for an email and some info today but it didn't happen.  I can't get to my agency until next week so I can't sign off the homestudy until then.  It's hard not to take it personally but all those people at yesterdays AEP must be asking for meetings too.  Also, I'm still a little perplexed because I feel that if I hadn't have sent my email last week, my home study might still be stuck in the woodwork so to speak.   I am beginning to feel quite frustrated and discouraged.   I may be postponing Nov. 15!   I can't do it unless I have made progress in this journey.

Patience is a Virtue!

I remember my English nanny, my dad's mum, trying to teach me to knit many years ago as a young child and trying to help me with my frustration about dropped stitches etc.  No, unfortunately I never did learn to knit despite all her patience and encouragement! 

Oh my!  First off, in keeping with my mission keep this blog positive, thank you T for the lovely present you gave me when I came into school yesterday.  As teachers of primary school children we are often blessed with art work, love notes and other expressions of chidren's positive emotions and feelings..  It was explained to me by T that there was mail in the mailbox of the house.  The note said, "You are the best teacher ever!", and a seat at the back of the car so I could drive it.  Thought you might enjoy seeing this wonderful work.  Thank you T, you lifted my spirits.

Thank you also to NF for dropping by after school and spending a long time talking to me about the trials and tribulations I am going through and now my doubts about an event in November.  I only taught one of N's children, but cherish the two years I had with her son.  He is a wonderful boy with a giant heart.  Thank you N for everything! 

Ah-yah!  Is that how to spell it in English!?   Neither of the two countries I am thinking of look exactly promising at the moment.  I have connected with a single waiting mum in Ontario through a Yahoo group and it is the same thing there!  As singles, we seem to be swimming upstream far more so than couples.    I am constantly on the hunt for new countries and may have found one but this may mean a change in agency and more money!  I phoned the faciliator yesterday and she is emailing me info on Monday.  One of the requirements for this country is a medical there instead of here.  Why oh why does my mind race!  In the shower after I got off the phone with her I started thinking, "What if the needles aren't clean?  What if they don't sterilize equipment properly?"  I wish I could turn off the 'worry' part of my brain.  If anybody has any strategies for NOT putting the cart before the horse, please share them with me.  I couldn't get to school fast enough to ask a new colleague about her experiences in South America.  Thanks, TG!  I will ask what is involved in their medical, if it is done in a private facility and if I can take my own needle.

When I got home last night there was mail from my agency.  Excited, I thought I could stop the ticker.  No such luck!   My social worker and I had signed Sept. 16, the agency director on Sept. 19.  I had emailed this week to find out where the homestudy is and then I receive this mail.  I can't move forward without it at this point.  I need to initial four boxes but am confused as the note says to do all four for inter-country but I want to use one copy for domestic use.  You may ask, what is causing this pressure to move forward?  Well, first I finished the home study a month ago and secondly during the adoption education program (AEP) in July the birth mothers weren't able to attend.  Consequently, we were told we would be invited to the next AEP and so earlier this week I received an invite to a session tomorrow, Sunday, where the birth mothers will speak to the next group of prospective parents.  YIKES!   I can't help but feel the people in this AEP, I know they may be wonderful,  are biting at my heels.  Looking at the positive, I get to hear birth mums speak which may help me to write my, "Dear Birth Mother," letter.  From everything I've read when you are on waiting lists, your position on the list is everything.  I want to be on a country's list prior to the event I have booked in November.  I need a country decision made so I can be at peace with the decision I have made.  Right now, I have my doubts about November.