Still Waiting . . .

I am beginning to lose patience!  I would like my home study completely signed, sealed and settled so I can try to move forward.  With what, where and how I am not sure.  I need some doors to open!!!  My social worker said I should have heard or be hearing from my agency about my homestudy so I've sent them an email.  I'd love to be able to stop the ticker  Hope I can figure out how.  One country I am considering adopting from I have discovered since joining a yahoo group has a three to four year wait.  Yikes!!!!  I don't know how I hang on that long!  The other country which I was seriously considering adopting from doesn't seem to be letting new people into their Yahoo group.  I have emailed AFABC as they are so incredibly helpful.  If you live in BC and are in the process of adopting or have adopted, it is well worth your money to have a membership.  I have a link to their website on the right had side of my blog.

I had a wonderful evening yesterday and today.  I have spent the last two nights helping my friend D.  Last night A and I entertained the babies with those stacking cups and two very soft balls.  Gotta love IKEA!    Tonight, I was able to rock one of the babies to sleep.  He just snuggled and snuggled until he went out.  I even managed to lay him down without waking him up.  Sleep tight little one, sweet dreams. 

P.S. I don't think I blogged this but last Wednesday A and I had lots of fun drawing in chocoalate pudding.  You'd be nuts to try and do this activity in a classroom but one-on-one it is lots of fun.

P.P.S.  Check out the blog, "Are We There Yet, Len?"  This family is leaving Hong Kong on Thursday to return to Chicago with their daughters.  I happened across this blog somehow two to three weeks ago and having been following this family's journey through China.

What a weekend!!!

I have to start by sharing some very positive and happy news.  A woman on Vancouver Island who is adopting from one of the countries I am considering, travelled to her country last week to spend a month picking up her child.  Needless to say, I was thrilled for her and even more delighted that she was going to blog the journey so we, her followers, could live it vicariously.  It has been a long road for her and how exciting to finally be in that position!!!!  Her last blog on Thursday indicated there were some difficulties with the process that she wasn't allowed to explain.  My heart sank and I started to worry for her.  I tried to Google search for an answer and by sheer luck late Friday night found a family in the USA adopting from the same country who shared on their blog what the problem was.  My heart sank even further and now I felt sick.  OMG !  Is she going to be OK?  What would I do if this were me?  There was no news Saturday and I thought yikes!  A friend here asked me this afternoon, "Do you think she is ok?'"   "Yes," I replied confidently but with some inner scepticism, "her agency will take care of her."  This friend has first hand experience with international adoption from 17 years ago and thus knows all about the 'bumps in the road" that can happen.  After I got off the phone with my friend, I decided to check the woman's blog and see if she'd posted.  I was desperate for some news.   Low and behold she posted today that she has her son in her custody and just has to finalize a few papers and then begin the wait for his passport.  Ohhh, what a relief!     
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I am also following the blog of a couple adopting from China's Waiting Child program.  They return home to Chicago on Thursday.  They have two 18 month olds, one of which is adopted, so  they will have their hands full but what beautiful girls they are!   I met my dad at the airport this morning, he came in at the international arrivals and I walked him up to the domestic departures as he was going on to the island.  One group of people waiting had balloons and party horns to greet their arrival.  I couldn't help but think as I waited for him that hopefully one day I would be walking out through those doors with my child and that we would have family and friends waiting to welcome us.  I have already promised my grandma in California, 90 next March, that the first trip my child and I take after coming home will be to fly down and see her!!!!!!

Another blog I read, and don't ask me which one as I read so many, wrote about how a journey is usually a happy or exciting time but that the journey to adopt is more like a roller coaster ride with highs and lows.  I have already discovered this and despite the roadblocks with my age and being single am working hard to see the glass half-full  or the world with rose coloured glasses.  Another neat experience from this weekend was that the couple behind me in line at IKEA on Saturday were one of the couple's that had shared their journey at the first weekend of my adoption education course this summer.  This couple have the most adorable 14 month old and had success overnight on Canada Adopts with the most basic package.  If you haven't checked out this website please see the link to it on the right.  I'd love to hear your thoughts.  It was neat to see this couple again and to receive words of encouragement from them.  Their little girl is really lucky to have two great dads!  My clip art images are from free sites that just require you to put a link to their website.  Thought I'd try to jazz things up.  Have a wonderful week, not long now until Thanksgiving!  Please keep your fingers crossed that my homestudy gets final approval this week.  I would love to be able to stop the ticker!

http://www.clipartheaven.com/

A New Leaf and Waiting Parents Support Group

Yesterday I left school at 4:15 only to arrive home to find my vase with gladioli had tipped over.  Luckily there was only a little water on the top and down the front of my new sideboard or buffet, most of the water seemed to have gone on the rug but I did have to take the hairdryer to the inside of one of the drawers.  If it warps at least you won't be able to see it.   I thought I was taking care of myself by buying flowers when I grocery shopped last Saturday!!!!  Today I left school at 3:55!  To those of you that know me well these are record times.  I guess you could say it is a new "school year's" resolution. 

Tonight I attended my first Waiting Parents Support group.  It was about adopting from China. I have already done quite extensive research but figured it wouldn't hurt to hear the latest.  In March, I found out that China had reopened to singles but with a few special qualifications. For example, I must have $100,000  in assessts and am only eligible to adopt a child on the Waiting Child List (special needs kids).    The other families waiting tonight have already put in applications, most of them have been waiting for over three years, and all about one are on the expedited list.  'Expedited' means either one or both of the parents are of Chinese heritage.  My heart went out to these couples.  To hear that dossiers from 2008 are now being processed is astonishing.   I don't know where I'll be if I have to wait three years!! 

My heart also goes out to the woman from Vancouver Island who is on her second trip to her country to pick up her son.  From following her blog it seems the last couple of days have proven somewhat challenging.  Check out  'On My Way Again'   I realize I have to figure out how to join Yahoo groups.  I'm not even sure what a Yahoo group is!  Ahhh, technology!!!!!!!!!!   21st Century Learning is a scary thought! 

Still no phone call that my homestudy has been signed by the director of my agency.  I wish I knew what was taking so long.

Good Books and Procrastination

This summer I read a really good book called Mamalita  It is about Jessica O'Dwyer's struggle to bring her adopted daughter home from Guatemala.  It was a book I couldn't put down.  I forget how I found it but Jessica has a blog and to order the book I wound up on Amazon.  There, I got caught in the "other people that bought this book also bought this book" line.  It was from this that I found a book on reactive attachment disorder, not a good book to read if you are considering adopting an older child, but a heart wrenching story of the trials and tribulations of one family to welcome a daughter into their home.  The other book that was recommended was a child's picture book called "I Wished For You".  Many of the books I have seen on adoption for children are focused towards a specific country, or detail the phone call in the middle of the night, or the journey and subsequent airplane ride to meet and collect the child.  They always almost feature a couple, husband and wife.  I bought  I Wished For You by Marianne Richmond blind so to speak on Amazon UK.  The link I have set up for it is to a wonderful children's bookstore in Vancouver called Kidsbooks  If you live locally and don't know it, you have to go for a visit with a wallet full of cash or your credit card!!!!

  "I Wished For You" is the conversation between a mother bear and her little bear and the story about how they became a family.  The soft watercolour illustrations and beautiful text make the book a real keepsake.  I found the book especially wonderful because it is mama bear telling the story and no offence to any men reading this blog, but as there is no father bear in my child's life the book became more meaningful to me.  From my single parent viewpoint it was an absolutely perfect story.  It is a very gentle and loving story as mama takes the time to answer all little bear's questions.  Little bear asks questions like, "What did you do when you first held me?"  He also asks if it is okay that they don't look like, again wonderful for all of us going down the road of an international adoption.  I can't praise this book enough and almost feel like it is was written for me.  My only hope is that one day I get to actually sit in my comfy chair with my little one on my lap and read it to him or her.  If you are adopting you have to get this book for your library.  If you know people that have adopted or in the process this book would be a wonderful gift.

Another good book that kind of fits into adoption but is about families is And Tango Makes Three  It is the true story of two male penguins in a zoo in New York who after trying unsuccessfully to hatch an egg (aka - a rock etc), with the aid of the zoo keeper hatch an egg and then raise the chick.  They are wonderful parents and so happy to have a chick they can love, nurture and watch grow.  My class last year loved this book.  Thank you to a visiting district colleague for sharing this book.

If I were to ever receive an award for anything I think it would be for procrastination.  Usually this is to avoid house work, this weekend it was all about school work!!!!!   I cleaned and cleaned and wish I could have kept cleaning.  I forgot all about a letter I was going to write to my students' parents until my school bag fell off the back seat of my car this morning and I was picking up the contents.  Wouldn't you know, I didn't write it tonight either.  This is so not like me it is scary!!!!!  I have to phone TDH, an agency, in Ontario about another country in the next couple of days.  With some documents so time sensitive I am waiting for my home study to be completely "signed off" before I proceed with the medical from my GP and a criminal record check.  Both of these are six month documents. 

 I am sending this blog out tonight and would love to hear what you think.  I still don't have an answer on whether it is a wise idea but I obviously am not going to journal it 'traditionally' at this point.  I had hoped to, so as to have a record for my child to hold.  Call me old fashioned but there is something about being able to hold something.

A visitor after school

I had a nice visit with my social worker who did my home study after school today.  She came by to show me the changes to the home study and to get me to "sign off".   In the last month or so, I have begun to investigate another country that may give me a slightly younger child but still need to make phone calls to see what is happening.  The dossier for this country is much less complicated.  Pursuing this second country kind of complicates the home study a bit but may result in the proposal of a younger child of a different gender.  Any way, we were able to get something that reflects both routes.   My social worker will drop off the changes and the signed pages at my agency next week and when they have done their bit I'll get a call to go and pick up a final copy.   Until then, the little ticker keeps ticking.   I have decided to post on Canada Adopts once the home study is totally finished.  Thanks K for the encouragement here.  I have to get started on my 'Dear Birth Mother' letter and find some photos.  I am not terribly photogenic so try to avoid cameras at all costs.   I take good photos but that doesn't really help me right now as I need photos with me in them.   A parent from school was so kind and reposted photos she had taken last year.  There are a couple of me at work that I may be able to use.  Tomorrow I will email the bank and a person in a government position to see if I can get letters of reference for my first country.  I have been meaning to phone the school psychologist but when I looked down the hallway today, there she was at the photocopy machine.  I talked to her briefly about a personality test I have to take twice.  She was surprised by that as usually with this level or type of test, retaking it can affect the validity.  I am going to post a book tomorrow that I got in the summer.  It is a beautiful story of adoption.  I just need the time to figure how to copy the cover and put it up as a link.  I finally qualify for the 'Waiting Parents Group' and will attend my first meeting next Thursday night at the agency.  Still no news on the Ministry's ARE.

Still waiting . . . thinking . . . reflecting . . .

Just over a week ago I found out that a colleague I used to work with in Quesnel had died very suddenly over the long weekend.  He leaves behind a wife and three sons. I had lost contact with him but have many good memories of our times working together.  I have been thinking about his family a lot in the last week and how they would have been proud of his new position.  It has made two friends, who also used to teach at the same school, and I realize that we should do a much better job about staying in contact with each other. Life is too short.  Our colleague was only 49. 

I am working on returning to church as this is a requirement for one of the countries I am considering.  After much of the summer away, I went on Sunday only to discover the homily was on foregiveness!   This hit the first chord.  Then they played a hymn that my church in Quesnel used to play and that did it, I was in tears. I think I am over-tired, stressed and in need of some divine intervention!

 I have also learned that before bed is not the best time to do my blog following as I went to bed wondering why there isn't a country out there that will let me adopt a young child.  To make matters worse, I think my age is catching up with me!  

After school my social worker phoned and hadn't gotten the homestudy back from the agency so we were unable to meet and I couldn't show her the other half of my life - my classroom!  Never mind, I will meet up with her some time this week to "sign off" and until then the ticker keeps ticking.   Bring on the tea and cookies I thought.  I had forgotten until I walked in the door that many of the boxes I moved around for the photo shoot at the weekend are now in my living room!   Good job the home study is finished and this mess can't be used against me.

On a brighter note, after I got home I helped my friend deliver food bags for the 'Thanksgiving Food Drive' her church is having.  I sure hope they get a good response.  Then I went to drop something off at D's and had a wonderful visit with her and the kids.  The babies have changed so much.  It had been six weeks since I last saw them and they are absolutely precious.  They are now nine months old.  They can sure move across the floor even though it isn't quite crawling and they worship their big brother.  They want to be right where he is and tried their best with his puzzle pieces.  A is amazing at puzzles and loves doing them.  And D, thank you for your hugs and company tonight. I needed it more than words can explain and really enjoyed our walk.  It was so good to catch up with you.  Anytime you are taking the babies out like that, let me know. I have to get my pedometer going again!  The glass of wine was also very much appreciated. = :  )

Got to stop these late nights!

I have been staging my apartment all weekend!!!   Moving boxes and clutter around so it is out of the way for photographs.  Now, I just have to start sorting all this stuff!  My dossier has to have pictures of every room as well as the outside of the building and the neighbourhood.  Good job my principal picked good colours when she had our school repainted! The hoops I have to jump!   I have also been trying to find information on the MMPI personality test that I have to take twice!  Once here, and then again in my country.  This seems strange to me as when there I am likely to be highly stressed, so how fair an assessment can this be?  I am going to phone the school district psychologist assigned to our school to see if she knows anything about this test and if she is allowed to tell me anything about it  I have not made a final decision on my country and am asking my worker at the agency to give me the latest on another country.  Hopefully, this country, that was closed for a while, will work for me.  There seem to be many single moms that have successfully completed adoptions.  The age of the child is what is most important to me.   Thank you to all my dear school families out there that I have told about this journey.  Your interest and support as to how things are going mean a lot to me.

One small step today, one giant step next week - fingers crossed

After a long day at school and then a union meeting, I arrived home to find a message from my social worker.  The agency had read my home study and only had 2 questions.  We connected late tonight and over the phone worked out the changes.  I have decided not to pursue a US adoption.  The cost can be $40,000-$50,000 U.S. or more depending on the needs of the birth mother (health care, housing).  The unpredictability of cost is my determining factor in not registering for this program.  The home study now goes back to my agency for a final check.  My social worker and I have tentatively set a date for next Monday for our "signing".  We are meeting at school so she will get to see the other half of my life which is kind of neat!  The home study then goes to the agency to be signed by the director there.  To have this document completed will be a giant accomplishment and will allow me to move forward. 

As I said in a previous post, I started working on my dossier requirements for my country last week.  I now have in my hot, little hands a letter from my building manager attesting to the fact that I am a good tenant, pay  almost $1,400 amount in rent, along with a description of my apartment, the building, and the neighbourhood..    I also have a letter coming to me from my employer.   At the moment, I am going for the easiest items so requesting a letter from my bank is next on my list.   I will attack some of the other items when I have signed the home study.  Some of the items in the dossier are only good for six months and then have to be redone!  I emailed my representative at my agency and asked her to register me for the Ministry's Adoption Resource Exchange.  Unfortunately she doesn't yet have a date for this event.  Hopefully it goes ahead as this will help me move forward in my journey.

Anxiously Waiting

My social worker took my home study to my agency last Friday morning.  Apparently it can take anywhere from five days to three weeks for your home study to be approved.  While I wait I am starting to work on the many, many things my country requires for its dossier.  The list is very extensive and some of the items quite a challenge to obtain.   Started back at school today and it was good to see the kids.  My how they have grown.  Some have shot up over the summer.  They were thrilled to know I hard Party Rings (a kind of cookie) for them as well as candy from England.  Oh, how I want my own child to love to bits, focus on, spend time with, etc .  I'd love a few signs of encouragement.  I really need them right now.

Welcome

I have been reading quite a few blogs on adoption since early in 2011 and thanks to a colleague at work decided that I should learn how to blog by documenting my journey.   This is quite an accomplishment for me as I am not the world's most technological person and so this is rather a steep learning curve!  Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

I hope this blog helps my family, friends, students and their families, and colleagues stay up to date with the latest happenings.  Things seem to be moving very slowly at the moment and I have already had to readjust my timelines.  In a note I sent to a few families this summer, I said I am learning the adoption process is something I have little control over - hard for those of us that are teachers, as control seems to come with territory.   I had hoped to have my homestudy completed before my trip to England, but ended up finishing it upon my return.  I am waiting for a final copy to read before it goes to the director of my agency and then the Ministry.   A big thank you here to my wonderful social worker.  I will miss our evenings of tea, cookies and conversation.

I was planning to apply for an international adoption (it seems at the moment from an other mother's blog that it is best not to name the country) so that's why I am following the happenings in three countries.  In regards to the country I thought I had chosen,  I am having to do some serious thinking and reflection because of the age of the child I will be referred.  I had hoped to bring home a two - four year old but due to my age (yikes - I'm being made to feel old) it is likely they will only offer me an older child.  This child would likely be six when I bring him or her home.  Consequently, I am also going to be posting a 'waiting parent profile' on the Canada Adopts website.  This is a site that Canadian birth mums can use to find approved waiting parents.  I think my side of this journey is tough, but I can't begin to imagine the decision, heart ache and anguish these women are going through.  They are doing an incredible thing for their baby!    All the agencies I have visited have told me I don't stand too much of a chance on their domestic lists.  Being single has a few advantages (you can buy fruit when it is really expensive or those fancy little containers of ice-cream) but it isn't one in this journey.

 I will have a busy September what with back to school, preparing and submitting a dossier to my country, and writing a 'Dear Birth Mother' letter.  Another type of placement available in B.C. is a direct placement.  This is where a birth mother or mother/parent that knows me, or of me, and wants to put their baby or child up for adoption can ask for placement with me.  I knew of this thanks to Adoption 101 at AFABC ( a fabulous group of people - I can't do anything but sing their praises) but hadn't really thought about it to much.  Being reminded of direct placement at my adoption education program this summer made me think about "coming out" so to speak with the adoption process.  The more people that know what I am doing the greater my chances of possibly having a direct placement.  There we are, I've said it!

I can't begin to thank all of you for your kind words, support, encouragement and patience.  I don't know where to start, or who to start with, all I can say is thank you, thank you, thank you.  My child is going to have so many special people in his or her life.  It is amazing!  Please keep me in your thoughts, hopes and prayers.  A very special thank you to K&R for enabling me to complete my home study.