A wonderful book - Gen and Gina, check this one out!



A blogging friend called Gen recently shared this book on her blog.  The book was given to her by another waiting parent who lives near her.   I have seen this book at Kids Books but haven't bought it yet.  I have however posted about another wonderful book before but will repost because the book is so worth it.

view this book on Amazon



                                                      

To summarize September's post

 "I Wished For You" is the conversation between a mother bear and her little bear and the story about how they became a family.  The soft watercolour illustrations and beautiful text make the book a real keepsake.  It is a very gentle and loving story as mama takes the time to answer all little bear's questions.  Little bear asks questions like, "What did you do when you first held me?"  He also asks if it is okay that they don't look like, wonderful for all of us going down the road of an international adoption.  If you are adopting you have to get this book for your library.  If you know people that have adopted or in the process this book would be a wonderful gift.

Gina has posted about another picture book, One Love, on her blog.  I have the reference book on parenting your internationally adopted child and have tried several times to read it but couldn't stick with it.  I am hoping once I return from my first trip it sudddenly becomes very relevant to me.

P.S.  If anybody out there has a list of what one should take in their travel kit please let me know.  Leave me a coment with a link.  I have seen pictures of bags but am needing a list now.





Shots and still trouble with Blogger

I am still having trouble with accessing my blog from home but was able to do so with no problems from work the other day!  This post is from home and the tool bar is almost useless!  Good job I know what the icons are and can recognize them from the very tiny bit of them I can see. 

I'd love to put a big picture here of a needle but have run out of "istock" credits.  As a teacher, I am very aware of copyright restrictions and had several emails with "istock photos" about how to source their pictures.  The last thing I want in this process is to have somebody catch me posting images without permission.  This warning kind of goes along a bit with a recent post on the Cinnamon Baby blog.  "istock" is amazing and has photos of almost anything you could imagine.  Those of you photographers can open an account and put your photos up, after they've been approved, and then when people like me download them you get some kind of royalty.

I have been to the travel clinic again tonight!  Another $440!!!!!  I am not blogging about the cost of the adoption process as it is something I don't think everybody needs to know.  However, I don't mind sharing the cost privately with people who are sincerely interested.  However, the cost of shots came as a big shock and one I hadn't really budgeted for.   I won't take any more out of my nest egg to pay for them as what I have left is the money I need to travel and some money towards staying home for the 35 weeks of EI.  By the way EI is close to $400 a week!  It doesn't even pay the rent so I am working hard to grow my nest egg.  In the mean time I have been putting the cost of these shots on my VISA and just trying to pay them.  I will be claiming them on my 2012 income tax return as I am unable to claim them on my extended health plan at work.

To travel to my daughter's tropical country I have needed the following shots, this is prior to the prescription medication for Malaria and Traveller's diarrhoea.

Shots required and cost in CAN  $
** Consultation with travel clinic doctor - $45
Twinrex A & B - first shot $80
MMR booster (measles, mumps, rubella) - free
Tetanus - didn't need it as mine is 2 years old from a dog bite but free
Twinrex A & B - second shot $80
Typhoid - $40.00
Rabies shot #1 - $200
Rabies shot#2 - $200
Yellow Fever - $125
Dukoral (traveller's diarrhoea and cholera) - $75
Florastor - $40
Rabies shot #3 - $200  (May 9th)
Twinrex A & B - $80 (my guess, at the end of August)

A total of $1,165 before I even fill the two prescriptions.  I also need two more prescriptions from my GP, one for antibiotics just in case I need it.  I have had a number of people tell me to travel with this.  And the other, the pill for that female infection, again preventative, but good to have on hand just in case it also rears its ugly little head while I'm away. 

The MMR is good for life and I have been told when I get the third Twinrex shot at the end of August the Hep A & B is good for life.  The Typhoid is good for 2 years.  The Dukoral (two oral doses) is good for cholera for 2 years and for traveller's diarrhoea three months and the Yellow Fever is good for 10 years.  I have a certificate of vacination in my immunization to show proof upon entrance to my child's country.  With all of this, if everything goes as planned, I will only need the Dukoral and Florastor when I travel again.

A note about the rabies:  I have been told to assume all animals in my daughter's country have rabies!   That is all the wild dogs, monkeys in the parks, etc!!!!   I love animals and have many canine and feline friends.  However, close to two years ago walking at Iona Point, a German Sheppard lunged at my arm hungry for dinner!   It was a totally unprovoked attack and has made me leery around big dogs.  T and L if you are reading this, I love your Sheppard's.  Trixie is as soft as can be!  Zeeva and Murphy, I love you too!  Anyway, the doctor at the travel clinic said for the first trip of 10 days, I probably didn't need the shots, but for the second trip that could be up to three months, she would definitely recommend them.  I accepted that and put it aside but about two weeks ago I reread the health section in the travel book for my country and then checked on-line.  If I have three shots and then have an incident down there I only need two more shots (one right away and the other on day 3) which I should be able to get in country.  If I don't have any shots, I need four shots plus the immune globulin or serum.  The first shot and the immune globulin need to be given right away.  As many of these developing countries don't have the serum so you are forced to leave a.s.a.p.   As I am not going on holiday, but rather the journey of a lifetime so to speak, I will be in no position to leave!  Thus, I sucked up the cost and went for the shots.  As K at school said, it is peace of mind.  For somebody like me, peace of mind is worth a lot and I would rather be safe than sorry.

I am starting a second blog specifically to document my journey to my daughter's country and to start a blog that can be made into a book.  I will post a link to it shortly.  Thank you to other bloggers for this idea and to Lisa and Catherine for sharing blog2book.com

I hope by sharing about the shots I can help other prospective families budget the cost better than I did.  My advice, especially if there are two of you, and you need a full battery of shots like me is to try to start as early as you can.  The Twinrex is one that can be had while you are waiting.  Something like the Dukoral is time sensitive to travel dates.

Google has changed their layout and format!

Not what I wanted to discover this morning, when the LRB told BC teachers that they have a week to complete report cards that should be considered struck work!  I took a break from my reports as I wanted to try and edit my last post due and found the only way I could access my blog was to download Google Chrome.  I did that and then the whole blog navigation system and management system has changed.  When I post now, I only have the top quarter of the tool bar (the bar with text format, link, insert, video, alignment, spell check, etc) one quarter visible and almost impossible to use.  The layout page has also changed.  I don't know how much longer I will document this journey unless Google can fix things.  I don't need any more frustration in my life right now.   Please leave me a comment if you know of other blog sites that are easier to use.

Let me off the rollercoaster!

Today was a very challenging day, not so much with adoption stuff, but in other areas, which I don't want to post about as this blog was created as a record of my journey to adopt, not as an outlet for other frustrations.  It's hard to be the "stick in the mud".  The one that points out the 'cons' of each situation. Where others jump and deal with consequences later, I tend to weigh every option and look every which way before I leap!  Okay, maybe I can't see the forest for the trees.  As always, I have too many unanswered questions!
 

copyright of www.istockphoto.com/DonNichols

I have so many balls in the air right now!   I want to catch some, before more go up.  Please don't tell me I have embarked on a journey that won't give me that.  I know being a single parent will be a challenge, I'm not that naive, but I long to have a child to love, nuture and make a difference for.  On days like today I begin to wonder!  Off to get the first of three very expensive rabies shots!

Never mind the chapel and marriage!

I got an email from my agency in Toronto today and part of my dossier is going to my country's consulate on Wednesday, tomorrow, to be attested.  This is exciting as it is the last step before my dossier is sent to my country.  The first thing that came to mind was the song, "Going to the chapel and I'm going to get married!"   No chapel here, but my dossier is going to the consulate and then on to my country.  For me right now, that is really good news!  Once it arrives and is accepted I have been told I can make travel plans.   Since Mr. Right hasn't entered my life the consulate and travel are going to be replacing the chapel and marriage!

I have to explain here that it hasn't taken the agency in Toronto this long to take the dossier to the consulate.  I was asked if I wanted to change the age of the child as there are very few young children in the orphanages. I thought about this long and hard, talked it over with a few close friends and family, thought about it some me (those that know me know I have a hard time making big decisions) and then at the end of spring break (Friday, March 23) decided not to change (raise) the age.  I emailed Toronto and said I'm leaving the age as is.  For those of you new to this blog, I want to adopt a child young enough that by the time I bring them home, I still have some formative time with them before they head to school. The agency then prepared the contract and sent it to my agency here in BC.  It took me a week, Easter weekend kind of slowed me down, to turn it around and now things are moving forward.   I have been thinking about a fellow blogger who adopted a child a little older than what I'm hoping for and realize I really need to contact her again.  She is very experienced with adoption and it would be great to get her advice.

I still haven't picked up the boomwhackers (see this post) yet and need to get on this.  I hesitate to buy too many of the other items until I for sure have some travel dates.  The boomwhackers I can always give to my students as gifts at the end of the year if I don't take them to my country.

Our provincial government is not supportive of teachers but my school board is the BEST!  Thanks to a wonderfully kind and understanding woman in Human Resources I have been granted up to ten days personal leave between now and June.  This makes it so much easier to book dates when I talk to the agent in my country.

On a different note

Our school librarian shared this website with my students today called http://www.tagxedo.com/  It allows you to enter words and makes "shape" poems for you.  Upon returning to class we decided to play with it and thought an umbrella was a rather fitting as here on the rainy, west coast we are waiting for spring to properly arrive.  I know a fellow blogger south of me in the USA  feels a similar way.  If we do get a sunny break, we get out!!!! Give me the snow and cold, clear days of my time in Quesnel anytime!



from the website http://www.tagexdo.com/

  Oh for some signs of spring.  No news from my country yet.

Wrote the biggest cheque of my life on Wednesday!

On Wednesday I express mailed my contract, registration forms and cheques to the agency in Ontario.  I have never written a cheque for this large an amount of money!   In case you are wondering, I rent my apartment so have never moved this amount of money around before. When I checkeded at the bank, I was told a personal cheque for that amount is fine, people write personal cheques for larger amounts than that all the time!   Wow!  I wish I could!

 I am 100% committed to my country and at some point facing the first of two or more trips.  My dossier has to go to my country and be accepted before I can travel.  I wish I had a travel partner but will likely have to make the trip alone.   I am willing to pay air fare and accomodation so my friends following this, if you, or any of your other friends are interested please let me know.   I won't know the exact dates until I have had contact with the agent on the ground.  Even though I have been told they have very few young children in the orphanages, I kept the upper age of my daughter (I have requested a little girl) at 3 1/2 years.  This means she will likely be 4 1/2 when I get to bring her home.  I would like to have some formative years with her.  It is a very complicated process and I will post more about it as I am told I am able to.

I am thinking about taking a little something to each orphanage, kind of a thank you for letting me visit.  I thought perhaps a large ziploc freezer bag of goodies to each one as I can't afford more on top of air fare, accomodation, meals and personal leave - no pay, but something that maybe the children can have fun with.  My freezer bag so far I estimate to be around $25 and I think there are 17-19 orphanages on my list!   I hate to ask for help and never thought I would stoop to that, but if you would like to help me make these bags up, I would be very grateful.  The cost of shots has been significant and I in the last few months I have had an unfortunate experience with new glasses that didn't work and require a second pair of lenses!  The new optometrist in Victoria is very helpful.  The gal here, I will never set foot in her office again!

One of the items I have found are those inflatable sticks you bang together (boomwhackers?) at one of my local dollar stores.  There are four sticks in a bag for $1.00.  I bought two packages, one to see how they packed in the freezer bag and the other to test out!   They may not last long but will be fun and remind everybody I am Canadian.  I have been told that as a visible minority in the country I will be travelling to, it will be assumed I am from the USA.   No offense my US friends and family, but I was born in the UK  and don't think I sound the least bit American.  Although I have to wonder because when in the Olympic 2012 shop last summer in John Lewis (a UK department store) on Oxford Street (London), the young guy behind the till thought I was American!   He was tied for words when I said no, I was actually born and mostly raised in the UK!

I will post more about the contents of the bag latter this week.  It was fun but challenging to think of what to take, considering weight, size, the kids needing to share the stuff and something different.  I did find some little tiny frizbees and boomerangs that are very cute.  I also have a beach ball following a recommendation on another blog.

I have a Chinese Skipping rope, the long elastic two people stand in and one person jumps over.  If you know of any rhymes or chants please let me know.  I found one or two on line last night but would love to know some to show the children.

 If you have an ideas for things to take, please leave me a comment.  I am avoiding candy and gum and am looking for things the children can do together.

Will I Ever?

In the book, "Never to be a Mother", the author suggests making a list of the things you will never get to do or have.    It was at this point I stopped reading the book.  I couldn't move forward.  I wasn't ready to take the first step of twelve.  I still have some fight left in me, although not much.  Thus I am going to rename my list, "Will I ever . . .".  There are some things I will lose with not adopting an infant or baby, but there is still much to be gained.  Bear with me as I work on the list.  I will post it later.   But for now I think: Will I ever be called mum  or mummy or mama?

You may be wanting to ask, "Why is the adoption process so difficult?"

     I will attempt to answer this question, although the answer comes in several parts.  This has turned out to be a much longer post than anticipated and should almost be on one of my other pages, as it borders on the process of adopting. 

I have delayed over a week in posting this but think it speaks truthfully of the process.

     In regards to international adoption, there have been some articles published recently that try to outline the challenges and explain what prospective parents are presently facing.  The challenges seem to be thanks in part due to the Hague convention and UNICEF (same as link at end of paragraph).  On one level I sort of understand why countries would want to keep their children within their own country but when you're involved in this process it doesn't seem fair when adoptive famlies can provide loving, caring homes.  Finding families in developing countries to adopt children or become foster families might be challenging; however, it does keep children "at home".  It also stops many of the concerns regarding baby trafficking that have arisen lately with a handful of countries.  I couldn't imagine waking up every morning to face my child and knowing that his or her birth family were forced by ruthless individuals to sell their child.  To be in the position of having to sell one of your children to feed the rest of your family is unimaginable.  This said though, being one of many prospective parents, it is heart breaking to think children are living in orphanages until 4, 5,  or 6 plus years of age.  Is it really advantageous to these children to grow-up in this kind of environment?  Many of these orphanages are staffed by loving, caring individuals who do their utmost for the children in their care and this we all aprreciate but it isn't quite the same as having a loving family.   By having to wait longer to adopt children, prospective parents adopting older children face greater challenges in regards to attachment as well as missing out on important formative years.  Caught in trying to decide whether to raise the age of the child I am willing to accept, the difficult in and decline of international adoption has a direct impact on me.  There are very few countries accepting applications from married couples for babies or toddlers, and far fewer that will accept single applicants.  Those that do are usually for older children.  I will not be coming home with an 8 or 9 month old like some of the women whose blogs I follow. This breaks my heart but I have moved on for being a parent is something I really want.  I am now focused on around 3 years of age.  For further reading on international adoption you can read the following articles.  The first article I have posted before and is from the Financial Times.  It outlines one of their journalist's struggles with internatonal adoption in the UK.  More recently a retired colleague gave a mutual friend an article from the Globe and Mail.  I read the article in print copy but found the comments left after the on on-line version very interesting to read.  It took a while to read all the comments left by readers and 'Northern Princess' certainly has some strong views but obviously no experience with the system.  A third article which explains UNICEF's views can be found in the Washington Times.  Here again  is Unicef's position on inter-country adoption if you didn't read it above.

      In regards to domestic adoptions there are two kinds.  Those from a private agency and those from the Ministry.  There seem to be fewer adoptions from private agencies or websites such as Canada Adopts.  I attended a meeting in the fall where a birth mother involved in a very successful open adoption spoke and said she was able to "pick" a mixed-race couple that matched the mixed-race of her baby.  This kind of win-win situation where the birth mother is able to choose the adoptive family is a wonderful story for all three parties, the birth mother, adoptive parents and child.  As a single prospective mother however, there is less chance with domestic adoption but one can always hold out hope.  My fingers are crossed for a connection with a woman considering giving her baby up for adoption, (birth mothers aren't always young, unwed teenagers), who was raised in a happy, loving caring home by a single mother and is quite willing for her baby to raised the same way but perhaps doesn't have the means or support to do this herself.  One of the reasons for the decline in numbers of domestic adoptions are due to the many programs available to teens to stay in school, complete their education and bring their baby to school.  Don't get me wrong as a teacher I see the merit in this and think this is better than what happened in the not so distant pass where teens were forced to give their babies up (article from Vancouver Sun) but as a waiting parent it decreases my chances of becoming a mum.  Also, nobody tells these young women that after they leave school the welfare they will receive will put them below the poverty line, especially in BC, and thus has society really helped this woman and her baby.  Until our provincial government fully supports welfare and takes an interest in child poverty, heck I think BC has one of Canada's highest rates, is this really fair to these women and their children?

      In the comments left by readers to the Globe and Mail article above, there are many people that think prosepctive parents should adopt from the ministry or social services.  What these people don't realize is that this is not any easy process either.  To adopt directly from the ministry, one has to be willing to take on a significant level of special needs or wait a very long time to start the process.  It is easy to be made to feel some guilt for not taking on a child with special needs but, whether single or a couple I think knowing one's limitations in this area is very important.  A prospective parent or couple can work with a private agency and then check to see what the ministry has available, knowing that your homestudy at some point will have to be converted to a SAFE ministry format if a match is found.  As several prospective parents leaving comments on the Globe and Mail article said, a significant number of children in care and that are eligible for adoption are of First Nations ancestry and thus only eligible to be adopted by people with First Nations ancestry.  To non-Canadians following this blog, this perhaps stems from Canada's difficulty with the residential school system.  Applications and special exemptions can be made in certain cases but the process is long and hard.  Many of the other children in care who are eligible for adoption are older and may have a history that poses challenges for them in the adoption process. 

    The lack of inter-provincial adoption as made in some comments is also frustraing as although expensive, travel across the country to keep connection with birth family members is not impossible.  The privacy concerns and waiting children profiles also vary greatly from province to province and kudos to Alberta's waiting children list that includes photos and video vignettes.  The British Columbia  list seems to be seldom updated (take Anita born in 1999 and in Grade three at 12 or 13 years of age) and thus is most frustrating!  I would be more than happy to check this list on a regular basis if it were kept up to date so as to give these children a chance.   I have pointed this out to several people but our infamous Premier of BC continues to preach her "Families First" policy.  Please Premier Clark tell Anita why her profile isn't up to date so as to increase her chance of finding a "forever family"!