Happy Mother's Day to all you mums out there, especially my blogging friends. I truly appreciate your friendship and support.
I know this year there is more than likely never to be a Mother's Day for me. Last year I was about to start the biggest fight of my life against stage III breast cancer. This year I can't stop thinking about what should have been. I should have been celebrating my first Mother's Day with "N". She should have come home in November 2013 or January 2014. Thankfully for her, she has a family somewhere in this country of mine. I will never hear a little one say, "I love you." I will never receive a precious Mother's Day card handmade with lots of care and attention. There are too many nevers too list! My cancer was not bad luck. It was not God's will. It was not given to me because I could handle it. And I HATE people saying it's better to have the cancer before "N" came home than after. Don't you think I know that, but it doesn't help me deal with my loss. I have been told I had likely had the cancer for 3-5 years. This means it had been REPEATEDLY missed on mammograms. My first two mammograms I have learned were on film. The first digital mammogram was in 2012. My petition, a way I was hoping would help me deal with my loss, has fallen flat on its face. More people sign petitions about pipelines and off leash dog parks! Those dogs may not have owners to walk them if they die of undiagnosed cancer and the people signing pipelines well you are less likely to die of a pipeline leak than you are cancer.
Today I celebrate my mother and my grandmother and am thankful for their love and support especially during the last year. I also wish all of you new mums or soon to be mums, "G", "S" and "K" the happiest of days with your new little ones. Also to those of you with new additions to your family, "L", congratulations. To those of you still waiting, "F" and "M", I hope completion of your adoption happens very soon.