I'm done making lemonade! Life is just plain old unfair and a you know what

To come clean for anybody reading my blog and wondering what is going on I was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer in April right as I was about to leave and go to my country to meet my little girl "N".    After two years in the process and being proposed a 3 1/2 year old, I was over the moon only to have the rug abruptly, suddenly and cruelly yanked out from underneath me.  My heart aches, well feels like it has been ripped out from me, and the only little bit of peace I have is that she is being adopted by a family in Ontario.  When I first found out, I could only rationalize the loss by better to find out before she came home than this time next year when I would be a single mummy with stage three breast cancer!  The agency in Ontario that I have been working with is very supportive and has let me put my case on hold.  My country apparently doesn't hold cancer against waiting parents.  I was optimistic I might still adopt but now in the early stages of very dose dense aggressive chemo (2/8 rounds), I don't think there is anyway I will ever have the strength.   The loss of my dream is too hard and painful at the moment!  To be honsest, I can't even see ever returning to work full time.  I am a primary teacher!

I wish I had greater faith as many of you out there believe in things which are beyond me.  I like to think I am a pretty good person, kind, honest, caring, hard working, a good friend, so why me God?  Why me and why when I was so close?  Are you there God, it's me Elizabeth and I want to know why? (Remember that Judy Blume book?)

To the interloper I think is lurking in the back wings, perhaps you are now satisfied!   Will you call things off now?  Enough is enough, surely! 

To all the people supporting me in this journey I can't thank you enough for your support and prayers.  To those of you whose blogs I follow, please keep blogging.  I so enjoy reading about your families and wish those of you still waiting the best news as soon as possible.

FYI
I have read that in women between the ages of 40-49,  25% cancers are missed by mammograms.  YES!  You read that right and I am royally you know what!  I have had regular annual mammograms since 2010 and nothing until my breast basically exploded in tumor this March!  Apparently the tumor is 3-5 years old!   What are the odds of being missed so many times?  This percentage of missed cancers needs to be made really public and there needs to be better screening!  Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everybody "Running for the Cure" and all the money that is raised for cancer research  but maybe we should be looking at catching or detecting cancer earlier by having better diagnostic and imaging devices, rather than putting the money towards a cure which seems for ever elusive!  Governments also need to step up to the plate and provide the necessary funding so that the equipment in their jurisdiction is state of the art.