Sunday, 28 April 2013

So close and yet no longer a possibility!

I had a phone call just over a month ago about a little girl "N" in my country, 3 years old - perfect age, that was available for adoption.  I decided to wait until after my knee surgery on April 4 to travel.  As I was going on my own this trip, I wanted to be sure my knee was good.  My country is not terribly accessible for those with mobility issues and I wanted to be sure I would be ok.  I was also wearing a big brace before the surgery and didn't want them to think that the injury was permanent.  In the last three weeks I have been given some very challenging and distressing news in regards to a personal health issue.  Things have happened very quickly and I am now needing to focus on a new and challenging journey or battle!  OnWednesday, April 24, I had to make one of the hardest phone calls ever and tell the director of the agency back east that I had to let my little lamb go.  I am devastated as I was so close to becoming a mummy after almost two years of devoting my life to the adoption process.  Little "N" was mine barring any major medical issues andadvertising by the lawyer.  After my quick trip mid-May it was hoped I could be going to court in October or November! 

I  don't know how I feel: ANGRY, sad, mad, depressed, fed-up, discouraged, disbelief!   I really and truly believed that having "N" proposed to me was the end of a run of some hard knocks - not so!   I have been thrown one more!!!!!!  I want to ask why me God?  Don't you think I would have made a good mum?  Why are you robbing me of this chance?  I am not sure if adoption is still possible after this newest challenge or even if I will feel up to it, being a single parent there will always be fear of a reoccurrence!

Francesca, I need to email you and Gen and Lisa thank you for your emails and support off line.  I will continue to follow everybody's blogs as I love seeing the kids and hope that those of you waiting will receive good news soon.

I hope to start another blog about my newest challenge as if I can save one woman the news I've had it is worth going public.  I also greatly appreciate all your support and comments and will need that so much in the next 8 months to 1 year.

Thank you all for everything you have done to make the adoption journey a little easier.
p.s.  I will post a link when I get the new blog or Caring Bridge site up and running.


  1. The unfairness of life is just overwhelming to me sometimes. This has NOTHING to do with whether or not you would have been a good mother. This is just unfair and unlucky and my heart is so sad for you. This is all just NOT OKAY. I hope that your health challenge is resolved quickly and completely, leaving you with a bright and healthy future in which you can continue to pursue your happiness, on whatever path that might be.

    Thinking about you.


  2. Oh no! I just read this. So sorry :(